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Every culture, throughout time, has recorded it history in one way or another. In what ways can history be passed on to the next generation? v.1

Every culture, throughout time, has recorded it history in one way or another. In what ways can history be passed on to the next generation? v. 1
Young children are the future of the world as they will become the people who will run the world in the next era. So, their upbringing is of great concern to everyone. A group of people thinks that one of the ways to train them is to make them take part in unpaid community services. They believe that this should be a compulsory part of high school program, and I completely agree with them. This essay will discuss the point of view and give examples in support of my opinion. As the young people will be the backbone of future generation, it is evident that we teach them the moral values like compassion, helping others, charity etc. One of the ways to do this, is to take part in unpaid community services and many high schools have introduced this scheme in their course curriculum. By taking part in voluntary services, young students are learning to help others and this will surely help them in the future. A recent study has shown, that those who took some community services in their youth has become a more compassionate person when they grow up. On the contrary, there are some drawbacks in this idea which should also be mentioned here. As students have to do the work while studying, it will surely hamper their studies. In addition, working at an early age has its demerits, because sometimes they have to work with a supervisor who may not be a good person. So, after completing the tasks, the students may not have a good experience of his services and as a result the overall experience may bring more harm than good. To sum up, it is a great idea to make unpaid community services mandatory in every high school as it improves their moral values. The benefit it earns is much more valuable to ignore in spite of some drawbacks.
Young children are the future of the world as they will become the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who will run the world in the
next
era.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, their upbringing is of great concern to everyone. A group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that one of the ways to train them is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. They believe that this should be a compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of high school program, and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them. This essay will discuss the point of view and give examples in support of my opinion.

As the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be the backbone of future generation, it is evident that we teach them the moral values like compassion, helping others, charity etc. One of the ways to do this, is to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
high schools have introduced this scheme in their course curriculum. By taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, young students are learning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others and this will
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the future. A recent study has shown, that those who took
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
in their youth has become a more compassionate person when they grow up.

On the contrary
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
which should
also
be mentioned
here. As students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do the work while studying, it will
surely
hamper their studies.
In addition
, working at an early age has its demerits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work with a supervisor who may not be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, after completing the tasks, the students may not have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
experience of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and
as a result
the
overall
experience may bring more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

To sum up, it is a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
mandatory in every high school as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their moral values. The benefit it earns is much more valuable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Every culture, throughout time, has recorded it history in one way or another. In what ways can history be passed on to the next generation? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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