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It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than that of young people in many countries in the future? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v.3

It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than that of young people in many countries in the future? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v. 3
It is true that the population of the elderly will overcome the youth population in some years from now in different parts of the world. I completely believe that this trend is detrimental to societies. It is undeniable that when the number of old people is increasing, nations are being faced with a great decline in their population growth, which means a large number of people are unable to undertake great responsibilities in their economic. In other words, if the population of the elderly become more than the youngers, governments are prone to the scarcity of enough individuals working in the industrial projects because most of the old have been retired. That is why these nations are compelled to provide their essential workforce from overseas where people have different cultures and languages, so they should also invest money in training migrants so that they can adapt to living circumstances of their societies. What is more, the countries in which the old generations are rising compared with the young ones, they are more likely to be exposed to financial crises, such as economic recession, and rising inflation, since governments should pay pension to the old citizens as well as provide health care facilities for them, while the number of youth who ought to pay taxes to supply the cost of living for the elderly is not sufficient. Others, however, would argue that decreasing the youth population can have positive impacts on communities. This group believes that this development can help governments to reduce their national budgets for building new accommodations, preventing the destruction of the environment from invading humans to expend cities. As a result, those nations can allocate their budgets to other important sectors, including health and education. I, nevertheless, think that rising the number of old citizens compared with young ones means lack of skilled and fresh workforce to handle the economic problems of a nation, so although this progress can bring environmental benefits, it can cause irreparable damage to countries in the long run. In conclusion, it seems to me that the old population growth in a number of countries can lead to several drawbacks not only from economic issues but also from social ones.
It is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of the elderly will overcome the youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world. I completely believe that this trend is detrimental to societies.

It is undeniable that when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is increasing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are
being faced
with a great decline in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
growth, which means a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are unable to undertake great responsibilities in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
.
In other words
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of the elderly become more than the
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are prone to the scarcity of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
individuals working in the industrial projects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
have
been retired
.
That is
why these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are compelled
to provide their essential workforce from overseas where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and languages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should
also
invest money in training migrants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can adapt to living circumstances of their societies.
What is more
, the countries in which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
generations are rising compared with the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, they are more likely to
be exposed
to financial crises, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
recession, and rising inflation, since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should pay pension to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
citizens
as well
as provide health care facilities for them, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of youth who ought to pay taxes to supply the cost of living for the elderly is not sufficient.

Others,
however
, would argue that decreasing the youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on communities. This group believes that this development can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their national budgets for building new accommodations, preventing the destruction of the environment from invading humans to expend cities.
As a result
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can allocate their budgets to other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
sectors, including health and education. I,
nevertheless
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that rising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
citizens compared with young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
means lack of skilled and fresh workforce to handle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
problems of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
although this progress can bring environmental benefits, it can cause irreparable damage to countries in the long run.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
growth in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of countries can lead to several drawbacks not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
from social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than that of young people in many countries in the future? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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