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Many young people today know more about international pop and movie stars than about famous people in the history of their country Why is this What can be done to increase young people s interest in famous people in the history of their country v.2

Many young people today know more about international pop and movie stars than about famous people in the history of their country Why is this What can be done to increase young people s interest in famous people in the history of their country v. 2
Nowadays, most youngsters have a tendency to have deep knowledge about celebrities instead of historic people in their own country. The reason for such an issue, in my point of view, is rather surprising. I deem that due to the massive trend of idolism, fans, especially young people would like to have an insight into their idol. Therefore, they spend much time getting a sense of what the movie stars dressed or how much do those costs cause people to want to imitate famous people on styles and fashion. Because of that, less attention is paid to famous people in their history. Furthermore, it can be seen that history is not an interesting subject for the young. For example, in 2016, less than one-third of Vietnamese students chose history for the national graduation examination. this is an illustration of the reason why youngsters know merely nothing about historical people. this leads to the demand for a resolution for the issue. So as to increase awareness of the young related to famous people in the country' s history, I suggest that the government can promote this through films or movies that broadcast on TV. For instance, chinese moviemakers integrate the historical elements including the events and notorious people to chinese dramas such as the Empress of China whose plot is about the only woman in chinese history that ruled the country in the past. Another solution is that singers can use historical material for the songs. In such a method, teenagers can listen to their favorite celebrities and still, get a glimpse of historic people. In conclusion, it is not easy to change the situation in a short period. it requires time for the young to adopt and acquire knowledge regarding the history of the country.
Nowadays, most youngsters have a tendency to have deep knowledge about celebrities
instead
of historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. The reason for such an issue, in my point of view, is
rather
surprising.

I deem that due to the massive trend of
Possible spelling mistake found.
idolism
, fans,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would like to have an insight into their idol.
Therefore
, they spend much time getting a sense of what the movie stars dressed or how much do those costs cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to want to imitate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on styles and fashion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, less attention
is paid
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
Furthermore
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is not an interesting subject for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
.
For example
, in 2016, less than one-third of Vietnamese students chose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
for the national graduation examination.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
is an illustration of the reason why youngsters know
merely
nothing about historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
leads to the demand for a resolution for the issue.

'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
So as to
increase awareness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
related to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
country&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, I suggest that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can promote this through films or movies that broadcast on TV.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
chinese
Possible spelling mistake found.
moviemakers
integrate the historical elements including the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and notorious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
chinese
dramas such as the Empress of China whose plot is about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
woman in
Possible spelling mistake found.
chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
that ruled the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the past. Another solution is that singers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
historical material for the songs. In such a method,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
can listen to their favorite celebrities and
still
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a glimpse of historic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, it is not easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the situation in a short period.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
requires time for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to adopt and acquire knowledge regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Many young people today know more about international pop and movie stars than about famous people in the history of their country Why is this What can be done to increase young people s interest in famous people in the history of their country v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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