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Many young people today know more about international pop and movie stars than about famous people in the history of their country Why is this What can be done to increase young people s interest in famous people in the history of their country v.1

Many young people today know more about international pop and movie stars than about famous people in the history of their country Why is this What can be done to increase young people s interest in famous people in the history of their country v. 1
According to some, a device which reduces human work and advanced technology connected equipment's are adding complexity to human life. Whereas some, thinks that these devices make our life easier. In this essay would like to shred some light on the benefits which gained by common people like housewife and international students while using these technologies. To begin with, household appliances have been playing a vital role in sharing manual work and saves time. Especially, home makers are loaded with lots of activities, end up with physical and mental exhausted state which makes them difficult to balance their family life and personal needs. But, when they are using modern equipment's such as dishwasher, microwave oven, washing machine etc. , they could save time and energy and use their valuable time for much needed activity such as spending quality time with children's or personal grooming activities. This in-turns make them feel relaxed and refreshed. A recent study conducted by the health care department in India stated that less workload gradually reduces up-to 50% of the cortisol level production. Another important sector where technology is considered as a boon is in communication, helps to connect people from various countries regardless of boundaries. In olden days, the person who wants to travel abroad are away from their family for different purpose such as study or work, find it very difficult to communicate back and eventually fall on home sick. But, now-a-days with the help of advanced technology such as mobile phone enabled with internet makes it possible to connect visually and for cheaper prices. So, this makes their life easier and stress free. In conclusion, even though advancement had some minor drawback, advance technologies paves the way to live a stress-free life and save time and energy.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, a device which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
human work and advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
connected equipment's are adding complexity to human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that these devices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier. In this essay would like to shred
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on the benefits which gained by common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like housewife and international students while using these technologies.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, household appliances have been playing a vital role in sharing manual work and saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Especially
,
This word is normally spelled as one.
home makers
are loaded
with lots of activities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with physical and mental exhausted state which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them difficult to balance their family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and personal needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, when they are using modern equipment's such as dishwasher, microwave oven, washing machine etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
they could save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
activity such as spending quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with children's or personal grooming activities. This in-turns
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them feel relaxed and refreshed. A recent study conducted by the health care department in India stated that less workload
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
up-to 50% of the cortisol level production.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
sector where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is considered
as a boon is in communication,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to connect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from various countries regardless of boundaries. In olden days, the person who wants to travel abroad are away from their family for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purpose such as study or work, find it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to communicate back and
eventually
fall on home sick.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
-a-days with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
such as mobile phone enabled with internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
it possible to connect
visually
and for cheaper prices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free.

In conclusion
,
even though
advancement had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor drawback, advance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
paves the way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many young people today know more about international pop and movie stars than about famous people in the history of their country Why is this What can be done to increase young people s interest in famous people in the history of their country v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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