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Some people believe that young people know about international pop and movie stars but know very less about famous people from the history in their own country. Why is this? How can more interest be created in young people to gain more knowledge about their own famous people from history? v.2

Some people believe that young people know about international pop and movie stars but know very less about famous people from the history in their own country. Why is this? How can more interest be created in young people to gain more knowledge about their own famous people from history? v. 2
It is true that while famous people such as international pop and movie stars are known by the youth, they have less information about historical people in their country. In my point of view, there are several reasons that lead to this situation, which are shown below. Nowadays, when entertainment is developed rapidly in many countries, people, especially young people, are likely to know about pop singers, movie stars. They appear as usual in many social media such as Facebook or Instagram in which the youth is easy to access and read. Furthermore, the youth tend to find attractive things on the internet such as catchy songs, comedy films, which help them relax and unwind stress. As a result, they will find information about the singers who sang those songs or the actors who took take in those movies. Consequently, they know more about international pop and movie stars in the natural way. Besides, there are common ways that people should do to enhance their knowledge about the famous people from the past in their own country. Film production firms should produce some historical film to introduce some historical people to the residents, especially the youth. In addition, instead of learning about the historical people, there are some Boardgames developed by start-up companies trying to put some historical events and characters, which make players know about the historical people in the sufficient way. To sum up, in the contemporary world, the young people have a tendency to know more about the international stars due to the effect of social media. However, the government should give some effective ways to interest the youth to know more about historical people in their own country.
It is true that while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as international pop and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
are known
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
, they have less information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In my point of view, there are several reasons that lead to this situation, which
are shown
below.

Nowadays, when entertainment
is developed
rapidly
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, are likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about pop singers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
. They appear as usual in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social media such as Facebook or Instagram in which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
is easy to access and read.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
tend to find attractive things on the internet such as catchy songs, comedy films, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them relax and unwind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
As a result
, they will find information about the singers who sang those songs or the actors who took take in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
Consequently
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
more about international pop and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
in the natural way.

Besides
, there are common ways that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should do to enhance their knowledge about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the past in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Film production firms should produce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
film to introduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to the residents,
especially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
.
In addition
,
instead
of learning about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
Boardgames
developed by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
trying to put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and characters, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
players
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the sufficient way.

To sum up, in the contemporary world, the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a tendency to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
more about the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
due to the effect of social media.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effective ways to interest the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that young people know about international pop and movie stars but know very less about famous people from the history in their own country. Why is this? How can more interest be created in young people to gain more knowledge about their own famous people from history? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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