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Many young people change their jobs and careers. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Many young people change their jobs and careers. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Currently, it is becoming more common to shift an occupation and career among majority individuals. In fact, this situation brings a plurality of benefits and drawbacks. However, it is my view that the merits outnumber the demerits. The following essay will prove why the benefits exceed the drawbacks. On the one hand, changing a job and career is so positive that it contributes to a plenty of advantages. First of all, it is really interesting to have different kinds of jobs from time to time because it presents new challenges and working methods. New colleagues and working conditions encourage people to be flexible and easy going. Secondly, new professions and careers may provide workers with new opportunities that they have never faced. For example, they may be offered a competitive salary, job security, promotion and financial rewards. Moreover, some people enjoy trying themselves in diverse jobs and they feel a sense of satisfaction because they get rid of the same job, working conditions and colleagues. They are so motivated that they are able to start their job from the beginning every time. On the other hand, shifting a job or career is so negative that it poses some drawbacks. Initially, it is time and energy consuming to move from one job to another one. It sometimes takes much time and stress to adapt to a new working system and organizational environment. Second, it is also common that a new employer and colleagues are not friendly. As a result, employees may feel a sense of regression from what they have done and what they are doing. Furthermore, the more people change their job, the less they achieve career development. This is because professional development is achieved from working in the same job a lot and doing much research. It is my belief that it is not recommended to physical or semi-skilled workers to shift their occupation because it may be unsuccessful in some cases. However, those with excellent abilities and skills should attempt to do various jobs in order to attain personal and professional satisfaction. In conclusion, many employees are changing their profession on a regular basis. It is my opinion that the positive sides exceed the negative sides.
Currently
, it is becoming more common to shift an occupation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
among majority individuals. In fact, this situation brings a plurality of benefits and drawbacks.
However
, it is my view that the merits outnumber the demerits. The following essay will prove why the benefits exceed the drawbacks.

On the one hand, changing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
that it contributes to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of advantages.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
The extreme adjective for interesting is "fascinating", or "exciting".
really interesting
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it presents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
challenges and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
methods.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
colleagues and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
conditions encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to be flexible and easy going.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
professions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
may provide workers with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
opportunities that they have never faced.
For example
, they may
be offered
a competitive salary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security, promotion and financial rewards.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoy trying themselves in diverse
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
jobs and
they feel a sense of satisfaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
conditions and colleagues. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
motivated that they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
from the beginning every time.

On the other hand
, shifting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
that it poses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
Initially
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy consuming to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to another one. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
takes much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to adapt to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
system and organizational environment. Second, it is
also
common that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
employer and colleagues are not friendly.
As a result
, employees may feel a sense of regression from what they have done and what they are doing.
Furthermore
, the more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, the less they achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
development. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
professional development
is achieved
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
a lot and doing much research.

It is my belief that it is not recommended to physical or semi-skilled workers to shift their occupation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it may be unsuccessful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases.
However
, those with excellent abilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
should attempt to do various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in order to attain personal and professional satisfaction.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees are changing their profession on a regular basis. It is my opinion that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides exceed the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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IELTS essay Many young people change their jobs and careers. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
368 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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