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The young people in the workforce are changing their jobs or careers every few years. What do you think are the reasons? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

The young people in the workforce are changing their jobs or careers every few years. What do you think are the reasons? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Although such topics, in all likelihood, never will yield a consensual agreement, a constructive dialogue on the statement, regions have a role in the creation of every successful person, can lead to thought-provoking discussions. My view is that irrespective of the numerous arguments that exist on either side, persons are shaped by the regions they have lived. In this essay, I shall explain it by analysing both sides of the statement. There are several reasons in favour of my stance. To commence with, economical situation of that region affect the aspirations of the people. It is important to note that when the economy of an area is not in a good shape to offer higher education, the people tends to take risks. For example, a person from a poor economy may choose foreign countries for his higher education. Therefore, the aforementioned discussion shows that regions with poor economy make the people more successful. Another pivotal aspect of the argument is that the political situation of every region affects the people's life in that area. Because of the critical background of a region, people strive to get proper benefits and eventually they will succeed. Here is a hypothetical example. People from countries that have strict rules and regulations are prone to take risks. This proves that political situations in a region plays a role in shaping personalities. To sum up, this essay discussed how economics and political situation of a region plays pivotal role in crafting a successful person. The equally potential evidence to support the arguments I have provided, underlines my opinion.
Although such topics, in all likelihood,
The adverb 'never' is usually put between 'will' and 'yield'.
never will yield
a consensual agreement, a constructive dialogue on the statement,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
have a role in the creation of every successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, can lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
-provoking discussions. My view is that irrespective of the numerous arguments that exist on either side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
are shaped
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
. In this essay, I shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it by
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
both sides of the statement.

There are several reasons in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of my stance. To commence with,
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
affect the aspirations of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to note that when the economy of an area is not in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shape to offer higher education, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
tends
to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
from a poor economy may choose foreign countries for his higher education.
Therefore
, the aforementioned discussion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
with poor economy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more successful.

Another pivotal aspect of the argument is that the political
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
affects the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life in that area.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the critical background of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
strive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper benefits and
eventually
they will succeed. Here is a hypothetical example.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from countries that have strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations are prone to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. This proves that political
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
plays a role in shaping personalities.

To sum up, this essay discussed how economics and political
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
plays pivotal role in crafting a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. The
equally
potential evidence to support the arguments I have provided, underlines my opinion.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay The young people in the workforce are changing their jobs or careers every few years. What do you think are the reasons? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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