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Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages v.4

Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages v. 4
It is true that young generation prefers to settle in big cities rather than living in their hometown. There are a variety of reasons to explain this problem, in my opinion, these are outweighed by the drawbacks of this trend. On the one hand, there are two main reasons that lead to urban migration of young adults. Firstly, they migrate to cities in search of jobs to make their living,  especially the developed city where the new-established companies offer the huge number of employees. Thus, they could reach a high standard of living to fulfil their families’needs. Secondly, there are numerous universities providing many good educational facilities and many fields of study for students to choose like banking, technology, and economy. On the other hand, whatever the reason may be; I personally believe that the advantages of this migrations do not overweigh disadvantages.  As a result of migration, the traditional culture of the rural or villages will be ravaged and in turn might get into the danger of extinction. Moreover,  the developed cities would deal with harmful problems such as traffic jam, population explosion, and pressure on infrastructure and services.  In addition, a widening gap between urban areas and countryside makes people living in rural areas feel dissatisfied and unfair. While the big cities gain a large workforce to promote the economy, the rural inhabitants are hard to make ends meet due to lack of both skilled workers and professional leaders. In conclusion, it is no doubt that living in a big city is a good chance for young people; however, I would argue that this tendency has more negative impact on society than positive effects.
It is true that young generation prefers to settle in
big
cities
rather
than
living
in their hometown. There are a variety of reasons to
explain
this problem, in my opinion, these
are outweighed
by the drawbacks of this trend.

On the one hand, there are two main reasons that lead to urban migration of young adults.
Firstly
, they migrate to
cities
in search of jobs to
make
their
living
,
 
especially
the developed city where the new-established
companies
offer the huge number of employees.
Thus
, they could reach a high standard of
living
to fulfil their families’needs.
Secondly
, there are numerous universities providing
many
good
educational facilities and
many
fields of study for students to choose like banking, technology, and economy.

On the other hand
, whatever the reason may be; I
personally
believe that the advantages of
this
migrations do not
overweigh
disadvantages.  
As a result
of migration, the traditional culture of the rural or villages will
be ravaged
and in turn might
get
into the
danger
of extinction.
Moreover
,
 
the developed
cities
would deal with harmful problems such as traffic jam, population explosion, and pressure on infrastructure and services.  
In addition
, a widening gap between urban areas and countryside
makes
people
living
in rural areas feel dissatisfied and unfair. While the
big
cities
gain a large workforce to promote the economy, the rural inhabitants are
hard
to
make
ends
meet
due to lack of both skilled workers and professional leaders.

In conclusion
, it is no doubt that
living
in a
big
city is a
good
chance for young
people
;
however
, I would argue that this tendency has more
negative
impact on society than
positive
effects.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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