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Many young children today leave school with a negative attitude towards learning. Why is this happening? What can be done to encourage young people to have a positive attitude towards learning? v.1

Many young children today leave school with a negative attitude towards learning. Why is this happening? What can be done to encourage young people to have a positive attitude towards learning? v. 1
Now these days, a growing number of students at school level are showing less interest in getting education and prefer to leave school. This is happening because of lack of facilities at educational institutes and regular absence of teachers. In my opinion, the government should take the necessary steps in improvement such as to provide well equipped study rooms, hire competent teachers and give stipend to students. Firstly, children are facing many difficulties in their school that causes lack of interest in getting more knowledge. Many of the government school do not have proper furniture for students to attend classes such as at the village’s level. The second reason could be the absence of teachers. They took long leaves and rarely come to school. Due to this, students also disappear from school because the teachers are the role model for them. Additionally, State has to provide a furnished building for educational institutes. It is the right of all school attending children that they should provide a proper environment for studies. For example, fully functional laboratories and class rooms. Moreover, It is the core responsibility of human resource department of Ministry of Education that they provide a transparent process for teacher hiring. Competent and intellectual persons should be appointed who’s aware with modern knowledge delivery methods such as computer technologies. However, a monthly stipend to students by the government will act as supplement in this. In conclusion, although many children are leaving schools by putting a full stop in their education carriers but positives steps by the state makes them able to change their decisions. Few things such as good classrooms, competent teachers and monthly stipend may help to handle this situation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
these days, a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level are showing less interest in getting education and prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This is happening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of facilities at educational institutes and regular absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. In my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take the necessary steps in improvement such as to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well equipped
study rooms, hire competent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and give stipend to students.

Firstly
, children are facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
that causes lack of interest in getting more knowledge.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
do not have proper furniture for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to attend classes such as at the village’s level. The second reason could be the absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. They took long
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
and rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Due to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
also
disappear from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are the role model for them.

Additionally
, State
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a furnished building for educational institutes. It is the right of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
attending children that they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a proper environment for studies.
For example
,
fully
functional laboratories and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
rooms.

Moreover
, It is the core responsibility of human resource department of Ministry of Education that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a transparent process for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
hiring. Competent and intellectual persons should
be appointed
who’s aware with modern knowledge delivery methods such as computer technologies.
However
, a monthly stipend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will act as supplement in this.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children are leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
by putting a full
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
in their education carriers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
positives steps by the state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their decisions. Few things such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
classrooms, competent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and monthly stipend may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to handle this situation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many young children today leave school with a negative attitude towards learning. Why is this happening? What can be done to encourage young people to have a positive attitude towards learning? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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