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Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialise with others. This can lead to a number of dangerous situations which can be threatening for children. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision? How can these problems be solved? v.2

Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialise with others. This can lead to a number of dangerous situations which can be threatening for children. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision? How can these problems be solved? v. 2
Due to the development of technology, it seems that children can easily access the internet to communicate with people without any supervision and this can cause a serious consequence to young children's life. This essay will first discuss one of the main problems which associated with being cheated by bad people and then will suggest a viable solution. The principle problem with giving freedom for kids to joining the social network is they can be benefited to someone who has badly purpose. There is a reason to think that evildoers also use the internet as a tool for searching and approaching their target such as young children. Moreover, kids are immature and inexperienced classifying good or bad people. They easily believe in what people said without any doubt. For example, some thieves try to make friend with young children through Facebook with a good profile to get the trust, then they ask for the address to and living habits of the family to plan for the robbery. A solution for this worrying problem is to have parents pay attention to their kids and control the way they using the internet. Parents should ask their children to carefully make friend with strange people. Moreover, they should use software to control their kids' accessing to the internet. For instance, some new softwares allow people checking the history of last, using such as what website have been going or what people chatting in some social network. In conclusion, one of the main problems with free accessing internet of young children can be solved through controlling software. It is predicted that more and more software will be created to help parents know what their kids doing with the computer.
Due to the development of technology, it seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
easily
access the internet to communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without any supervision and this can cause a serious
The usual preposition to use after "consequence" is not "to". Did you mean "consequence of", "consequence for", or "consequence on"?
consequence to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
children's life. This essay will
first
discuss one of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which associated with
being cheated
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and then will suggest a viable solution.

The principle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
with giving freedom for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to joining the social network is they can
be benefited
to someone who has
badly
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "purposed".
purpose
. There is a reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that evildoers
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet as a tool for searching and approaching their target such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are immature and inexperienced classifying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They
easily
believe in what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
said without any doubt.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
thieves try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friend with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
through Facebook with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
profile to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the trust, then they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
the address to and living habits of the family to plan for the robbery.

A solution for this worrying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is to have parents pay attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and control the way
Did you mean "they're using", "they are using", or "they were using"?
they using
the internet. Parents should ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
carefully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friend with strange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
to control their kids' accessing to the internet.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
softwares
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
checking the history of last, using such as what website have been going or what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
chatting in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social network.

In conclusion
, one of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with free accessing internet of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be solved
through controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
. It
is predicted
that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
will
be created
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
parents know what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
doing with the computer.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialise with others. This can lead to a number of dangerous situations which can be threatening for children. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision? How can these problems be solved? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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