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Many young children have unsupervised access to the Internet and are using the Internet to socialise with others. This can lead to a number of dangerous situations which can be threating for children. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision? How can these problems be solved? v.1

Many young children have unsupervised access to the Internet and are using the Internet to socialise with others. This can lead to a number of dangerous situations which can be threating for children. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision? How can these problems be solved? v. 1
It is thought that numerous young children have unsupervised access to the Internet and are interacting with others through the Internet. This is able to cause several dangerous situations threatening for children. In my opinion, I believe that going online without parental supervision can bring problems in children, however, there are several solutions to dealing with the problems. On the one hand, there are some problems created. Firstly, children’s linguistic and communication skills will be limited. The Internet and many games and movies on the Internet are highly addictive. If children spend too much time using the Internet, they will have an increasing tendency to prefer over using the Internet in order to communicate with others to talking to people directly, which prevents linguistic and communication skills of children from developing due to lack of opportunities to interact with others frequently. Secondly, going online without parental supervision can influence on children. Because there is no parental supervision, young children freely access to bad websites which contain much inappropriate information. On the other hand, some solutions can reduce the severity of the problems. In the first place, parents should encourage children to go outside. The solution helps children avoid overusing the Internet and shows children how beautiful and magical the mother nature it is, which renders them curious about discoverying the nature instend of staying home. In the second place, teaching children how to use the Internet properly is an effective solution. Parents cannot spend the whole day supervising children. Children will be protected by themselves more safely than by parents. In conclusion, some problems are liable to be created when children go online without parental supervision and several solutions can deal with the problems.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that numerous young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have unsupervised access to the Internet and are interacting with others through the Internet. This is able to cause several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations threatening for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my opinion, I believe that going online without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supervision
can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
however
, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
to dealing with the problems.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
created.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
linguistic and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
be limited
. The Internet and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
games and movies on the Internet are
highly
addictive. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend too much time using the Internet, they will have an increasing tendency to prefer over using the Internet in order to communicate with others to talking to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
directly
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
linguistic and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from developing due to lack of opportunities to interact with others
frequently
.
Secondly
, going online without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supervision
can influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supervision
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
freely
access to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
websites which contain much inappropriate information.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the severity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. In the
first
place, parents should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to go outside. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
avoid overusing the Internet and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and magical the mother nature it is, which renders them curious about
Possible spelling mistake found.
discoverying
the nature
Possible spelling mistake found.
instend
of staying home. In the second place, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet
properly
is an effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
. Parents cannot spend the whole day supervising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
will
be protected
by themselves more
safely
than by parents.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are liable to
be created
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
go online without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supervision
and several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
can deal with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Many young children have unsupervised access to the Internet and are using the Internet to socialise with others. This can lead to a number of dangerous situations which can be threating for children. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision? How can these problems be solved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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