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Many young children have unsupervised access to the Internet and are using the Internet to communicate wit others. This has can lead to a number of dangerous situations which can be threatening for children. What problems do children face when going online v.2

Many young children have unsupervised access to the Internet and are using the Internet to communicate wit others. This has can lead to a number of dangerous situations which can be threatening for children. What problems do children face when going online v. 2
Modern days, the Internet becomes one of the main entertainments in every society where people can communicate, make a friend and find variety interesting videos. However, there are several weak points which are connect with social networks when parents cannot control their children' s chats with same strangers. First of all, children are not objective in a making decisions. Teenagers cannot clearly understand when person on the other end of the net lays or says true and youth easily gives same personal information on them self or their parents. For instance, cheaters can rid children' s believe by saying something untrue but interesting and teens started believe him or her after that no daub it is easy take personal date from them. Secondly, on the Internet is many kidnappers and pedophiles. Everyone can create own fake profile on website as a young boy or girl and invite children to go out. In a result that meeting might be finish with some criminal. That is why, parents must check their children' s internet conversations with others. For that purpose, mother or father should explain to children the problems that wait them on the Internet. Also, children should tell to their parents who they are virtual friends and about what they texting. In conclusion, as it is shown, the Internet have troubles for children, if their parents did not check children' s online conversations. However, these problems are fixable if parents pay attention to their children online live.
Modern days, the Internet becomes one of the main entertainments in every society where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can communicate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a friend and find variety interesting videos.
However
, there are several weak points which are
Consider using a past participle here: "connected".
connect
with social networks when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
cannot control their
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s chats with same strangers.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not objective in a making decisions.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
cannot
clearly
understand when person on the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the net lays or says true and youth
easily
gives same personal information on them self or their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For instance
, cheaters can
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
rid
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s believe by saying something untrue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
interesting and teens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
believe him or her after that no daub it is easy take personal date from them.

Secondly
, on the Internet is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kidnappers and pedophiles. Everyone can create
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
fake profile on website as a young boy or girl and invite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to go out. In a result that meeting might be finish with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
criminal.

That is
why,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s internet conversations with others. For that purpose, mother or father should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the problems that wait them on the Internet.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who they are virtual friends and about what
Did you mean "they're texting", "they are texting", or "they were texting"?
they texting
.

In conclusion
, as it
is shown
, the Internet have troubles for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s online conversations.
However
, these problems are fixable if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
pay attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many young children have unsupervised access to the Internet and are using the Internet to communicate wit others. This has can lead to a number of dangerous situations which can be threatening for children. What problems do children face when going online v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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