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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. v.32

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 32
Physical activity is much essential in day to day lifestyle to lead a healthy and happy life in the long term. However, nowadays, despite its importance, working class people are increasingly moving away from it, owing to many underlying circumstances. In this essay, I shall explain a few such issues and would recommend some possible solutions that could potentially buck this trend. To begin with, the workplace, these days, not just demand a few hours of physical presence a day from their employees, but subconsciously, they engage additional hours mentally. Owing to such schedule, the working class gets only a few hours to relax, without leaving any room for exercising. This in fact, is a major reason why many take a chance to skip workouts. Additionally, due to computerisation, the chance to move within the office during the workday, would be quite minimal as most tasks can be completed virtually. For instance, physical meetings are no longer required to meet a client when using applications are Skype on a computer. On the other hand, it is everyone's responsibility to encourage people to stay fit. In order to achieve this, there needs to a proper planning and execution. Firstly, they should be educated on the benefits of fitness at all stages of life. Next, the government should provide public facilities such as parks, and open gyms. Last but not the least, employers should allow flexible time between office hours so that their workers can hit the gym or take a walk. In my company, for example, it is mandatory for every company to offer a mini gym. In conclusion, while the given problem is indeed a burning issue and need immediate action plan, it ultimately depends on the person itself to take part in more demanding physical activities. Ideally, a healthy lifestyle leads to a happy life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
activity is much essential in day to day lifestyle to lead a healthy and happy life in the long term.
However
, nowadays, despite its importance, working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
increasingly
moving away from it, owing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
underlying circumstances. In this essay, I shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
a few such issues and would recommend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions that could
potentially
buck this trend.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the workplace, these days, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
demand a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
presence a day from their employees,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
subconsciously
, they engage additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
mentally. Owing to such schedule, the working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
to relax, without leaving any room for exercising. This in fact, is a major reason why
Possible agreement error. The noun take seems to be countable; consider using: "many takes".
many take
a chance to skip workouts.
Additionally
, due to
Possible spelling mistake. 'computerisation' is British English.
computerisation
, the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
within the office during the workday, would be quite minimal as most tasks can
be completed
virtually
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
meetings are no longer required to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a client when using applications are Skype on a computer.

On the other hand
, it is everyone's responsibility to encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to stay fit. In order to achieve this, there needs to a proper planning and execution.
Firstly
, they should
be educated
on the benefits of fitness at all stages of life.
Next
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide public facilities such as parks, and open gyms. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, employers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
flexible time between office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their workers can hit the gym or take a walk. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
for example
, it is mandatory for every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to offer a mini gym.

In conclusion
, while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
problem is
indeed
a burning issue and need immediate action plan, it
ultimately
depends on the person itself to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in more demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities.
Ideally
, a healthy lifestyle leads to a happy life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 32

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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