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Many parents move to other countries for work with their families. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages? v.1

Many parents move to other countries for work with their families. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages? v. 1
In spite of the recent development of global society, a lot of families decide to move to overseas for their work. Many people think that there are disadvantages of moving other country. I agree some extent with this view, while there may be some advantages with this opinion, it seems to me that it is more likely to have beneficial effects on the family. To begin with, it is true say to that moving overseas carries some demerits. The First problem is that communication such as a language barrier. For example, if their family are not able to speak language in country where they move, they need to learn a lot of new things for living such as buying goods or asking for simple questions while they do not face those situations if they live in their own country. In addition to that, they might face the cultural differences that it may difficult to involve in local communities. Other hand, there are some advantages of moving new country for parents and their children should be considered. Firstly, the parents and children are able to live together. For instance, they need to help each other in a daily life, which building their relationships tight through living in the overseas. Secondly, the family can learn new things which new language, culture, exploring new places. Those experiences will make expanding their interests and knowledge. In conclusion, while it is true that there are some concerns moving to other country with family. However, in my opinion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages when considering. These experiences would enrich both parents and children in the long term.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the recent development of global society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to overseas for their work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent with this view, while there may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages with this opinion, it seems to me that it is more likely to have beneficial effects on the family.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is true say to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
overseas carries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits. The
First
problem is that communication such as a language barrier.
For example
, if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are not able to speak language in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
, they need to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things for living such as buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
or asking for simple questions while they do not face those situations if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
In addition
to that, they might face the cultural differences that it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
may difficult
to involve in local communities.

Other hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for parents and their children should
be considered
.
Firstly
, the parents and children are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together.
For instance
, they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each other in a daily life, which building their relationships tight through living in the overseas.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
language, culture, exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
places. Those experiences will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
expanding their interests and knowledge.

In conclusion
, while it is true that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
concerns
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
However
, in my opinion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages when considering. These experiences would enrich both parents and children in the long term.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many parents move to other countries for work with their families. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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