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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.3

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 3
A vast majority of person having jobs are not able to perform exercise during work as well as in leisure time, which leads to health issues. In my opinion, I believe that the professional people often get tired due to which they aren't able to perform physical activity. In this essay, I will try to elicit certain steps that can help the individual to carry out some kind of physical activity to maintain their fitness. Firstly, if you stay fit, then you can work more effectively. Most of the people working spend their maximum time at the office, so after reaching home they won't find any time to work out and just spend time either watching TV or have food and go to bed. Moreover, they sometimes are occupied with a lot of work and have to stay at the office for long hours. On the other hand, to glorify higher earnings and for prosperous health one needs to follow various steps that will balance work and life. The individual should refrain themselves from doing more work and instead focus on working out. The working place culture should also contribute towards a healthy lifestyle and promote fitness studios, establish gyms in their premises. In addition, the individual should also be responsible enough to spare some time to work out if his company doesn't possess any fitness amenities. Henceforth, it can be stated that for a healthy and prosperous life one should balance their work and life by performing physical exercise on daily routine.
A vast majority of person having jobs are not able to perform exercise during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as well
as in leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, which leads to health issues. In my opinion, I believe that the professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired due to which they aren't able to perform physical activity. In this essay, I will try to elicit certain steps that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the individual to carry out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of physical activity to maintain their fitness.

Firstly
, if you stay fit, then you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
effectively
. Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working spend their maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at the office,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
after reaching home they won't find any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
out and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
either watching TV or have food and go to bed.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
are occupied
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stay at the office for long hours.

On the other hand
, to glorify higher earnings and for prosperous health one needs to follow various steps that will balance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and life. The individual should refrain themselves from doing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
instead
focus on working out. The working place culture should
also
contribute towards a healthy lifestyle and promote fitness studios, establish gyms in their premises.
In addition
, the individual should
also
be responsible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
out if his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
doesn't possess any fitness amenities.

Henceforth, it can
be stated
that for a healthy and prosperous life one should balance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and life by performing physical exercise on daily routine.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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