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Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. v. 1
Each year, a lot of money, averaging millions of dollars is spent on learning about what is outside the earth. While some individuals believe it is justified, others think that the budget allocated should be diverted to making life and living better for the people on this planet. While I understand why some will agree with the latter, my stance is that more should be spent on the persons present here and now. There are too many untackled problems on earth, such as global warming, poverty and diseases, which affect the day to day lives of people. So, why should much be spent on finding out the unknown when it can be used to improve the condition of the populace? Global warming has led to the death of humans through natural disasters like flooding. There is an obvious increase in the poverty rate in the world. For example, in Nigeria, about 80% of the populace live on less than one dollar a day. Several communicable illnesses are menaces causing unavoidable deaths. The most recent of such is the corona virus where little is known about it. More studies have to be done to understand it and a limiting factor is funds. Hence, the need to cut down budgetary allocations towards the extraterrestrial so the common man can benefit. However, there are valid reasons why some people want money to be put into learning about space. One is that people want an alternative place to live because they think that this planet will soon be destroyed due to the the current happenings on earth such as the development of nuclear and biological weapons. Also, people who are working with these agencies such as NASA will lose their jobs if funding is reduced to the research. In conclusion, finances spent on space exploration is a lot because there there are more pressing issues in the world today which need urgent solutions. Hence, the government should consider reducing the monetary allocation to this observations so that it can benefit the average man.
Each year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money, averaging millions of dollars is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on learning about what is outside the earth. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe it
is justified
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the budget allocated should
be diverted
to making life and living better for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on this planet. While I understand why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter, my stance is that more should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on the persons present here and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

There are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
untackled
problems on earth, such as global warming, poverty and diseases, which affect the
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, why should much be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on finding out the unknown when it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the condition of the populace? Global warming has led to the death of humans through natural disasters like flooding. There is an obvious increase in the poverty rate in the world.
For example
, in Nigeria, about 80% of the populace
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on less than one dollar a day. Several communicable illnesses are menaces causing unavoidable deaths. The most recent of such is the
The term "coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
corona virus
where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
is known
about it. More studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be done
to understand it and a limiting factor is funds.
Hence
, the need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down budgetary allocations towards the extraterrestrial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
can benefit.

However
, there are valid reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want money to
be put
into learning about space. One is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want an alternative place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this planet will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
due to
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
happenings on earth such as the development of nuclear and biological weapons.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are working with these agencies such as NASA will lose their jobs if funding is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to the research.

In conclusion
, finances
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on space exploration is a lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible typo: you repeated a word
there there
are more pressing issues in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
which need urgent solutions.
Hence
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should consider reducing the monetary allocation to this observations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it can benefit the average
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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