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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.2

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 2
Providing a health job atmosphere is one of the most significant aspects of a perfect job. Unfortunately, most of people ignore this very important issue which can lead to a variety of disorders for them. There are some ways to help resolve this problem which will be mentioned in this essay. There are several possible reasons that people do not exercise in their workplaces: one important factor contributes this problem is lack of free time for individuals during their working hours. In other words, in their work timetable there is nowhere for performing other activities which are unrelated to work. Another possible reason might be the poor availability of sport facilities. There is no denying to the fact that if there were no gym facilities and special places for doing physical activities, it would be hard to think about exercising. There are simple, practical solutions which can be considered as suitable ways for solving the above mentioned problems. Firstly, an effective way for handling little free time for working people could be incorporating more flexibility in their daily working program, so they would be able to spend this time for their healthy activities. Secondly, employers should allocate budget for providing sports facilities as a result, even reluctant people encouraged to exercise. Working people will have some health problems unless they do enough exercise. By taking some simple measures such as modifying working schemes, and providing sport facilities we can tackle this concern
Providing a health job atmosphere is one of the most significant aspects of a perfect job. Unfortunately, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue which can lead to a variety of disorders for them. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
resolve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which will
be mentioned
in this essay.

There are several possible reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not exercise in their workplaces: one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor contributes this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is lack of free time for individuals during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours.
In other words
, in their work timetable there is nowhere for performing other activities which
are unrelated
to work. Another possible reason might be the poor availability of sport facilities. There is no denying to the fact that if there were no gym facilities and special places for doing physical activities, it would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about exercising.

There are simple, practical solutions which can
be considered
as suitable ways for solving the above mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Firstly
, an effective way for handling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
free time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could be incorporating more flexibility in their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
program,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they would be able to spend this time for their healthy activities.
Secondly
, employers should allocate budget for providing sports facilities
as a result
, even reluctant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
encouraged to exercise.

Working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
unless they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
exercise. By taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
simple measures such as modifying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
schemes, and providing sport facilities we can tackle this
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
concern
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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