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Many working people get little ot no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many workin people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.2

Many working people get little ot no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many workin people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 2
The internet and technology has brought myriad work opportunities and prosperity, albeit at the cost of health. Nowadays working people merely get time to exercise due to their busy routine and exorbitant stress. In this essay I shall throw a light on causes of this notion and propose some solutions to amilorate this. To begin with, despite of any occupassion every person in working class has to contribute majority of his/her time to worklife. In addition to office duties, significant amount of time is wasted in office commute which gives almost no time to individule to spend on personal health. The survey conducted by ' Start TV' shows that more than 90% of people in Mumbai could not find time for exercise due to their job responsibilities and hectic schedules. Considering this fact, excessive work load is a major reason for the lack of exercise. Furthermore, a lack of awareness of fitness is another reason behind the low exercise rate. Due to frivolity towards the importance of health, people are reluctant to do exercise during their free time or holidays. The paper of Dr. Cooper, the founder of the Health Center, evidently proves that awareness in this matter strongly motivate people towards regular physical workout and lack of it promotes reluctantness for physical movement. Seen under this light, uninformed attitude for exercise contributes significantly for poor health. However, despite of aforementioned reasons, there are variety of ways to battle with this problems. One of the options is to provide chargeless gym facilities near office premises so that employees can avail it' s benefits. Secondly, organizing sports activities or marathon events either in officies or social gathering centers which is like an exercise in disguize. Lastly, arrange councilling and informative programs about importance of physical health and its relation to regular exercise. To sum up, although lack of exercise adversly affects physical health of working class, if above measures are taken situation will surely improve in coming years.
The internet and technology has brought myriad work opportunities and prosperity, albeit at the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Nowadays working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
merely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
due to their busy routine and exorbitant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. In this essay I shall throw a light on causes of this notion and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to
Possible spelling mistake found.
amilorate
this.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
any
Possible spelling mistake found.
occupassion
every person in working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
contribute
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
worklife
.
In addition
to office duties, significant amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is wasted
in office commute which gives almost no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
individule
to spend on personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. The survey conducted by '
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Start
Possible spelling mistake found.
TV&
#039;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that more than 90% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Mumbai could not find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
due to their job responsibilities and hectic schedules. Considering this fact, excessive work load is a major reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of exercise.

Furthermore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of awareness of fitness is another reason behind the low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
rate. Due to frivolity towards the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are reluctant to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
during their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or holidays. The paper of Dr. Cooper, the founder of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Center,
evidently
proves that awareness in this matter
strongly
motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
workout and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of it promotes
Possible spelling mistake found.
reluctantness
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
movement.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Seen
under this light, uninformed attitude for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
contributes
significantly
for poor health.

However
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
aforementioned reasons, there are variety of ways to battle with
Did you mean "these"?
this
problems. One of the options is to provide
Possible spelling mistake found.
chargeless
gym facilities near office premises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that employees can avail
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s benefits.
Secondly
, organizing sports activities or marathon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
either in
Possible spelling mistake found.
officies
or social gathering centers which is like an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
disguize
.
Lastly
, arrange
Possible spelling mistake found.
councilling
and informative programs about importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and its relation to regular exercise.

To sum up, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
Possible spelling mistake found.
adversly
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, if above measures
are taken
situation will
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
in coming years.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little ot no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many workin people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
327 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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