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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.9

It is true that people do exercise not enough or they do work out hardly ever whilst working day or they have free time. even though they are going to get health problem. I totally understand that people who do not exercise after working. But we should care about our health instead of have a rest. To begin with, recently many people interested in work out so most people sign up for the gym. However It’s hard to go to the gym everyday and make great appearance. Of course we know it’s more productive habit and make us healthier. For instance, Some people who highly motivated and passionated are keep exercise up even if they have hard working and too busy to work out. On the other hand Most people already get tired of work at the end of the day because they spent a lot of energy in their work. It’s probably touter to go to the gym and spend energy more than you have. On top of that, Most people tend to take a rest after work. When we have stress from work, we usually want to have some nice food and watching Netflix or reading a book instead of exercise. But sweet things are always dangerous. we should take a responsibility of our healthy. To sum up, health is important like work and life valance. If we build our health then It’s make us more motivated and it gives energy. If we lose health then It’s Impossible to maintain working. therefore we should make valance of health.
It is true that
people
do
exercise
not
enough or
they do
work
out hardly ever whilst working
day or
they have free time.
even
though they are going to
get
health
problem. I
totally
understand that
people
who do not
exercise
after working.

But
we should care about our
health
instead
of have a rest.

To
begin
with, recently
many
people
interested in
work
out
so
most
people
sign
up for the gym.
However
It’s
hard
to go to the gym
everyday
and
make
great appearance. Of
course we
know it’s more productive habit and
make
us healthier.

For instance
,
Some
people
who
highly
motivated and
passionated are
keep
exercise
up even if they have
hard working
and too busy to
work
out.
On the other hand
Most
people
already
get
tired of
work
at the
end
of the day
because
they spent
a lot of
energy in their
work
. It’s
probably
touter
to go to the gym and spend energy more than you have.

On top of that
, Most
people
tend to take a rest after
work
. When we have
stress
from
work
, we
usually
want to have
some
nice food and watching Netflix or reading a book
instead
of
exercise
.
But
sweet things are always
dangerous
.
we
should take a responsibility of our healthy.

To sum up,
health
is
important
like
work
and life valance. If we build our
health
then It’s
make
us more
motivated and
it gives energy. If we lose
health
then It’s Impossible to maintain working.
therefore
we should
make
valance of
health
.
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IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
260 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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