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It has been noted that many people who had a big impact on the world gave themselves completely to their work and did not bother with the idea of “work-life balance”. To what extent should people try to have a good work-life balance? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.4

It has been noted that many people who had a big impact on the world gave themselves completely to their work and did not bother with the idea of “work-life balance”. v. 4
Many successful legends like Steve Jobs, Ramanujan, and Vir Savarkar devoted their entire life to achieve their only goal. This does not mean that everyone should follow their path and ignore family completely. I strongly feel that everyone should maintain an optimum level of work-life balance in order to become successful in the field of career and family. Firstly, many people do not spend enough time with their family as a consequence, family members feel insignificant and it usually affects their personal life. To avoid such issues, individual should balance their office and home perfectly. For instance, world leaders like Subhash Chandra Bose, Mandela, and Stalin had only one goal in their life and there was no room for personal life; however, this could not be the same for every individual. Everyone in the world is different in nature and their priorities too differ from each other; so it does not make any sense to follow the exact path of these genius people. Furthermore, corporate life is becoming more hectic day by day and to survive in this battleground we should be mentally as well as psychologically strong; to achieve that we should spend quality time with our family. Many people suffer from health related problems like hyper-tension, blood pressure, and diabetes due to the current lifestyle. For example, according to the recent survey of World Health Organization, more than 40 percent employees are prone to brain and heart related dieses. Thus, to overcome such problems we should avoid imbalance between work and life. In conclusion, in order to create great bond with family members and to avoid illness caused by today's lifestyle, I believe that under no circumstances we should lose work-life balance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
successful legends like Steve Jobs, Ramanujan, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vir
Possible spelling mistake found.
Savarkar
devoted their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to achieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
goal. This does not mean that everyone should follow their path and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
completely. I
strongly
feel that everyone should maintain an optimum level of work-life balance in order to become successful in the field of career and family.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members feel insignificant and it
usually
affects their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. To avoid such issues, individual should balance their office and home
perfectly
.
For instance
, world leaders like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Subhash
Chandra Bose, Mandela, and Stalin had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one goal in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and there was no room for personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
;
however
, this could not be the same for every individual. Everyone in the world is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in nature and their priorities
Did you mean "to differ"?
too differ
from each other;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any sense to follow the exact path of these genius
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Furthermore
, corporate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is becoming more hectic day by day and to survive in this battleground we should be mentally
as well
as
psychologically
strong; to achieve that we should spend quality time with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffer from health related problems like hyper-tension, blood pressure, and diabetes due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
lifestyle.
For example
, according to the recent survey of World Health Organization, more than 40 percent employees are prone to brain and heart related
Possible spelling mistake found.
dieses
.
Thus
, to overcome such problems we should avoid imbalance between work and life.

In conclusion
, in order to create great bond with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and to avoid illness caused by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's lifestyle, I believe that under no circumstances we should lose work-life balance.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay It has been noted that many people who had a big impact on the world gave themselves completely to their work and did not bother with the idea of “work-life balance”. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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