Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. v. 1
The planet earth has been witnessed many wars and conflicts since the time of immemorial. Some believe that women leaders can reduce the number of such incidences; however, there remains some disagreement and many consider man is the best ruler. In my opinion, I, believe that these all entirely depend on various situations of that particular time period. First of all, it is an indisputable fact that there are many factors which can lead to unrest and conflicts in the society. For instance, exploitation from the higher authority that resulting social imbalance and lack of security within the system, especially under British rules between 16 th and 19 th century. They used to rule around the world and exploited native people for money, material, and power. Slowly and steadily, people joined together and fought to bring back the freedom and independence of their place from rulers, either they were king or queen. In other words, both male and female rulers exploited weaker sections of the society; therefore, I, personally, think that nothing to do with gender when it comes to the power. However, despite the above mentioned factors, another problem such as poverty, unemployment also causes problems in the society, Under no circumstances do not people effected mind who is their head of the authority whether male or female. First of all, women have an innate ability to nurture their offsprings which they have acquired through the process of evolution. As a result, they care childern, both physically and psychologically, for instance, small children are breast fed by mothers, and adult children share their personal matters with mother than their father since they are emotionally attached to them. By contrast, if a father, who care a child may not able to handle all requirements as perfect as the mother does, because they are meant to provide safety and security to offsprings instead emotional needs. Yet, another point is consider here is that how much amount of time has between both parents and children spent together, obviously, since the time of birth, children can be seen with mother; therefore, the emotional bondage has been developed already. Additionally, women's body undergoes certain transformation during the time of pregnancy, and breast feeding, this is an advantage. In other words, there are some hormones: serotonin, thyroid, and adrenaline, are elevated in the female body during the childbearing period, which help them to nurse children exclusively. Where as in men, under no circumstances, do not such hormones developed to prepare them both emotionally and physically to look after their younger ones.
The planet earth has
been witnessed
many
wars and conflicts since the
time
of immemorial.
Some
believe that women leaders can
reduce
the number of such incidences;
however
, there remains
some
disagreement and
many
consider
man
is the best ruler. In my opinion, I, believe that these all
entirely
depend on various situations of that particular
time
period.

First of all
, it is an indisputable fact that there are
many
factors which can lead to unrest and conflicts in the society.
For instance
, exploitation from the higher authority that resulting social imbalance and lack of security within the system,
especially
under British
rules
between
16 th
and
19 th
century. They
used
to
rule
around the world and exploited native
people
for money, material, and power.
Slowly
and
steadily
,
people
joined
together and fought to bring back the freedom and independence of their place from rulers, either they were king or queen.
In other words
, both male and female rulers exploited weaker sections of the society;
therefore
, I,
personally
,
think
that nothing to do with gender when it
comes
to the power.

However
, despite the above mentioned factors, another problem such as poverty, unemployment
also
causes problems in the society, Under no circumstances do not
people
effected mind who is their head of the authority whether male or female.

First of all
, women have an innate ability to nurture their
offsprings
which they have acquired through the process of evolution.
As a result
, they care
childern
, both
physically
and
psychologically
,
for instance
,
small
children
are breast fed by mothers, and adult
children
share their personal matters with
mother
than their father since they are
emotionally
attached to them. By contrast, if a father, who care a child may not able to handle all requirements as perfect as the
mother
does,
because
they
are meant
to provide safety and security to
offsprings
instead
emotional needs.

Yet
, another point is
consider
here is that how much amount of
time
has between both parents and
children
spent together,
obviously
, since the
time
of birth,
children
can be
seen
with
mother
;
therefore
, the emotional bondage has
been developed
already.
Additionally
, women's body undergoes certain transformation during the
time
of pregnancy, and
breast feeding
, this is an advantage.
In other words
, there are
some
hormones: serotonin, thyroid, and adrenaline,
are elevated
in the female body during the childbearing period, which
help
them to nurse
children
exclusively.
Where as
in
men
, under no circumstances, do not such hormones developed to prepare them both
emotionally
and
physically
to look after their younger ones.
24Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
426 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts