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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.7

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 7
It is commonly observed that a large number of people who work in different organizations are not given much attention to exercise even in their spare time so that they face h number of health issues. There are two leading causes, lack of time and a loss of motivation. Possible solutions would be that an employer should set up a gym in the company premise, and special incentives for those employees who join fitness clubs. One of the reasons that working people do not devote much time to exercise as they spend long hours at work. As a result, it is a detrimental effect on workers' health. For instance, a survey has been done by Cambridge University, found that 45% of labours who did not do any exercise due to shortage of time. To tackle this issue, employers should take some steps to install gym equipment for their employees so that it will be helpful to keep physically fit. Another problem that needs to be considered is the lack of motivation. This is because many people do not motivate to do exercises. As a result of leading a busy life or work pressures, many people are not just stimulated to go to a gym or join a sports club. For example, after a hard day of work, most people prefer just to come home and sit in front of the TV for relaxing, and they do not inspire to join a fitness centre. One possible solution is for employers to consider the health and well-being of employees and offers exclusive perks for those who join a fitness club. If this is implemented, it would have a positive effect on employee health and live a healthy life. To conclude, despite being implications among workers due to lack of exercise and motivation because of work commitments, employers need to provide in house gym facilities and the company should give special discounts or bonus on fitness centres.
It is
commonly
observed that
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
organizations are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
much attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
even in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they face h number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues. There are two leading causes, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and a loss of motivation. Possible solutions would be that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
should set up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
premise, and special incentives for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
clubs. One of the reasons that working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not devote much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
as they spend long hours at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
As a result
, it is a detrimental effect on workers'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For instance
, a survey has
been done
by Cambridge University, found that 45% of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did not do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
due to shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. To tackle this issue,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps to install
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
equipment for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it will be helpful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
physically
fit. Another problem that needs to
be considered
is the lack of motivation. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not motivate to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
.
As a result
of leading a busy life or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stimulated to go to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
a sports club.
For example
, after a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
day of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
home and sit in front of the TV for relaxing, and they do not inspire to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. One possible solution is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
to consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and well-being of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and offers exclusive perks for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
club. If this
is implemented
, it would have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy life.
To conclude
, despite being implications among workers due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and motivation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
commitments,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
need to provide in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
facilities and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
should give special discounts or bonus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 7

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.7