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many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.43

many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 43
Exercise has a significant contributory in health. However, in recent years depending on modern life people has not enough exercise either in a workplace or in leisure time. Sedentary comes from working policy, modern life, unhealthy lifestyle. In workplaces many employees have to sit in their vacancy and work hard, their employer asks to never have exercise; therefore, those kinds of policy harm employee health that unfortunately employers did not care staff health; moreover; they prefer their short-term benefits to long-term employee health. It depends on modern life people use to technologies in their life to improve their life level, however, more using technologies such as TV and food makers can reduce or exercise in routine life; in addition, people do not use public transport and they would use their own private car, when people use their own car instead of public transport or bicycles, they reduce their exercise in life; therefore, it is might ta faces health problems such as arthritis. The last but not least is people did not pay attention sports, because if people put some activities like going to gem or walking in their plan its can be very needful for has healthy life, if people use sports in their life they can be fresh and has a healthy life to do the best their jobs and educations. To summarize, certain ineluctable hobbies cause people to face a dearth of exercise in their daily life. In my opinion, job opportunity and employer policy is a negative impact on employees and the government should settle some rules to improve jobs environments. Modern life and using plenty of technology in life reduced people activities and might face people with many diseases; therefore, people should do not use too many technologies in their life. Being unhealthy lifestyle people do not attend their body. They must be using sports time in their life and mass media should learn people how includes sports time in routine life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exercise
has a significant contributory in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
However
, in recent years depending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
either in a workplace or in leisure time. Sedentary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from working policy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, unhealthy lifestyle.

In workplaces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
sit in their vacancy and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, their employer
This is a collocation error. You do not need a preposition after 'asks'. Remove it: "asks".
asks to
never have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
;
therefore
, those kinds of policy harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
that unfortunately employers did not care staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
;
moreover
; they prefer their short-term benefits to long-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
health.

It depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
level,
however
, more using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
such as TV and food makers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
;
in addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
transport and
they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
private car, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
car
instead
of public transport or bicycles, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
;
therefore
, it is might ta faces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems such as arthritis.

The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did not pay attention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities like going to gem or walking in their plan
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
needful for has healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
they can be fresh and has a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to do the best their jobs and educations.

To summarize
, certain ineluctable hobbies cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to face a dearth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In my opinion, job opportunity and employer policy is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should settle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
jobs environments.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
activities and might face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Being unhealthy lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not attend their body. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
time in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and mass media should learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
how includes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
time in routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
55Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 43

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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