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Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21 To what extend do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21 v. 1
Whether or not men and women have a right to get married at the age of 21 is a fiercely debated issue. There are those who argue that people are 21 years old to be old enough to marry. To my mind, I do not completely agree with viewpoint for several reasons. First of all, it can be said that getting married at 21 years old age is late. In recent researches, some studies indicate that people can acknowledge and deal with difficult issues in life when they are 18. Moreover, at this age, boydy of the people develop both psychologically and physiologically, so males as well as females can become husbands and wives to give a birth because they have essential skills and experience to look after their young babies. For example, under Vietnamese law on marriage and family, men and women are allowed to get married when they are 18 years of age. Some law-makers of the National Assembly argue that people who are 18 years old, they have full legal capacity, their mentality and physicality develop fully. Therefore, Vienamese could have the right of getting married to some one at this age. Another reason is that people should be permitted to be married at the age of 18 because they are mature enough to considerate all things to make a right decision as well as they also have stable incomes to feed their family members. Some psychologists believe that at this age, males and females fall in love and have a deep mutual understanding. Therefore, their relationships become stronger and this is one of the crucial scientific evidence to persuade law-makers to change their mind related to the age of marriage. What is more, at this age, they are offered to have steady jobs to have high income to help their family. Obviously, finance has made a huge contribution to family life and this means that social community also will become better. It seems to me that in all countries people should be allowable to marry at the age of 18 instead of 21. At this age, they meet all requirements to make sure that they become husbands andwives each other. Happiness will surely come to them because they are fully mature to build up and maintain their happiness.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "Whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Whether or not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women have a right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 21 is a
fiercely
debated issue. There are those who argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are 21 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to marry. To my mind, I do not completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with viewpoint for several reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it can
be said
that getting married at 21 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is late. In recent researches,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
studies indicate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can acknowledge and deal with difficult issues in life when they are 18.
Moreover
, at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
boydy
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
develop both
psychologically
and
physiologically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
males
as well
as females can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
husbands and wives to give a birth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and experience to look after their young babies.
For example
, under Vietnamese law on marriage and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married when they are 18 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
law-makers of the National Assembly argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are 18 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
, they have full legal capacity, their mentality and physicality develop
fully
.
Therefore
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vienamese
could have the right of getting married to
Did you mean "someone"?
some one
at this age.

Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be permitted
to
be married
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 18
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to considerate all things to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a right decision
as well
as they
also
have stable incomes to feed their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
psychologists believe that at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, males and females fall in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and have a deep mutual understanding.
Therefore
, their relationships
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
stronger and this is one of the crucial scientific evidence to persuade law-makers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their mind related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of marriage.
What is more
, at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, they
are offered
to have steady jobs to have high income to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Obviously
, finance has made a huge contribution to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life and this means that social community
also
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
better.

It seems to me that in all countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be allowable to marry at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 18
instead
of 21. At this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
all requirements to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
husbands
Possible spelling mistake found.
andwives
each other. Happiness will
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
fully
mature to build up and maintain their happiness.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
382 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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