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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.42

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 42
Many working individuals are having plethora of health issues because they hardy get time to do exercise. I will describe the reasons of not getting enough exercise and some several ways to get rid off this issue in my further paragraph before forming an opinion at the end. To embark on, in India, it is regulated by the head of the nation that one should work 48 hours per week, not more than that. However, in many private organizations, the employees are seen working almost 12 hours per day, which is not at all acceptable. Furthermore, most of the well paid salaried jobs are available only in metro cities due to which people need to stay a way from their family as a result most of the individuals are staying alone in rented houses. Moreover, the rent houses are another issue for those people, since it is not possible to get rented apartment nearby your office. Apparently, they need to travel about an hour to office. So, do you think after hectic schedule at office followed by hour-long travels, is it possible to manage for a normal person to go to gym or workout at home? Because, he or she needs to prepare dinner as well. Some individuals even skipped their dinner or breakfast because of this hectic schedule as they got exhausted, which lead to health issue like gastric and many other diseases. To conclude, there are several ways that can help individuals to stay fit although they are working somewhere. Firstly, government should impose more employment not only in metro cities but also in other small towns. Secondly, government need to take stringent action towards those companies who pressurized their employee to work more than 48 hours a week. Finally, organizations should provide a recreation room which contains few board such as to play table tennis, by which help the employees to reduce not only their stress but also they can stay fit by playing a little during working hours at spare time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are having plethora of health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they hardy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to do exercise. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the reasons of not getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
exercise and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
several ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid
Did you mean "of" ('get rid of' = 'discard' or 'get free of')?
off
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
in my
further
paragraph
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
forming an opinion at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

To embark on, in India, it
is regulated
by the head of the nation that one should work 48
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per week, not more than that.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
private organizations, the employees are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
almost 12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day, which is not at all acceptable.
Furthermore
, most of the well paid salaried jobs are available
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in metro cities due to which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to stay a way from their family
as a result
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are staying alone in rented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.
Moreover
, the rent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
are another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
for those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, since it is not possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rented apartment nearby your office.
Apparently
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to travel about an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
to office.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
after hectic schedule at office followed by hour-long travels, is it possible to manage for a normal person to go to gym or workout at home?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, he or she
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to prepare dinner
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
even skipped their dinner or breakfast
because of this
hectic schedule as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
exhausted, which lead to health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
like gastric and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other diseases.

To conclude
, there are several ways that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to stay fit although they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
somewhere.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose more employment not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in metro cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to take stringent action towards those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
who pressurized their employee to work more than 48
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a week.
Finally
, organizations should provide a recreation room which contains few board such as to play table tennis, by which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the employees to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can stay fit by playing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
at spare time.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 42

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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