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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.40

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 40
Exercise is an important aspect of maintaining emotional health. This essay will discuss the main causes of health-related issues due to lack of exercise, including longer working hours and the massive use of technology. This essay will also suggest solutions to these problems, including one’s work-life balance and potential involvement in extracurricular activities. People are working longer hours than ever before. Also, they rely on machines for their needs such as TV, Car, etc. They give extra time to their job to meet deadlines because in today’s modern and technological world, everyone wants to achieve their goals to get immediate success. Moreover, advancement in technology leads them to bad well-being because they prefer to watch TV in their leisure time rather than doing exercise and willingly use personal transport for travelling instead of walking. For instance, in Japan, 96% of males report fitness-hazardous due to job stress and overuse of machines. This often results in mental and physical suffering because they have to work overtime and rely on automation. Therefore, tackling this issue involves altering the public’s mindset. Maintaining a good work-life balance and involvement in sports are both critical to mitigating well-being problems caused by the insufficient workout. People need to understand that if they live only for the work they will suffer either mentally or physically and to avoid sports will further exacerbate these issues. For example, a study shows that the people who routinely take part in sports are less likely to have diseases such as Obesity, Blood pressure, and Diabetes. Therefore, to avoid work-related stress one must include a better ratio of exercise, rest, sports, and work. In conclusion, it is pivotal to escape some time from our busy work routine to avoid health problems. This essay discussed how health-hazardous issues caused by longer working hours and overuse of modern technology. This essay also suggested that the solutions to these problems are twofold to manage a better work-life balance and to take part in sports.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exercise
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of maintaining emotional health. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will discuss the main causes of health-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, including longer working hours and the massive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will
also
suggest solutions to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, including one’s work-life balance and potential involvement in extracurricular activities.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are working longer hours than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Also
, they rely on machines for their needs such as TV, Car, etc. They give extra time to their job to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
deadlines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern and technological world, everyone wants to achieve their goals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
immediate success.
Moreover
, advancement in technology leads them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
well-being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV in their leisure time
rather
than doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and
willingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
personal transport for travelling
instead
of walking.
For instance
, in Japan, 96% of males report fitness-hazardous due to job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and overuse of machines. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results in mental and physical suffering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work overtime and rely on automation.

Therefore
, tackling this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
involves altering the public’s mindset. Maintaining a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
work-life balance and involvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are both critical to mitigating well-being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused by the insufficient workout.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
need to understand that if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the work they will suffer either mentally or
physically
and to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will
further
exacerbate these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
For example
, a study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
routinely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are less likely to have diseases such as Obesity, Blood pressure, and Diabetes.
Therefore
, to avoid work-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
include a better ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, rest,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, and work.

In conclusion
, it is pivotal to escape
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time from our busy work routine to avoid health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
discussed how health-hazardous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
caused by longer working hours and overuse of modern technology. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
also
suggested that the solutions to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are twofold to manage a better work-life balance and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 40

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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