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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.38

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 38
Nowadays, people do not get exercise regularly or often either during the working period or free time on account of the fact that there have health problems, such as physically and mentally ill. In this essay going to describe reasons why human beings have not got enough exercise and how can be fixed that problems. The first point, that a lot of adults are working longer hours and more days to earn money for luxury life because of that fact they do not have much time for physical activities. As a result of that human have to face a lot of health issues like the kind of illnesses. For instance, diabetes, cholesterol and blood pressure that all of those causes infected to persons as barely strength. On the other reason is persons have a lot of responsibilities to fulfil for their family, such as, look after kids, parents and job even so those duties make persons sick and mental trouble like stress and depression. Furthermore, every people have to create a time-table by including day to day work and fitness, especially activities which can challenge to previous sickness. Firstly, adults have to join the gym regularly, which is helping to fit mussels and body shape. Additionally, human have to go jogging daily in the early morning, which is helping to maintain body fit and feel refreshed. In addition, all of those factors make the body strong and healthy to fight with disease that makes human weak and having a proper fitness will help to be a beautiful and comfortable. In conclusion, If people can spend at least one hour of their busy life, that time can spend to do some fitness activities which help to be strong and healthy.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exercise
regularly
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
either during the working period or free time on account of the fact that there have health problems, such as
physically
and mentally ill. In this essay going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
exercise and how can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
that problems.

The
first
point, that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
adults are working longer hours and more days to earn money for luxury life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that fact they do not have much time for physical activities.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
health issues like the kind of illnesses.
For instance
, diabetes, cholesterol and blood pressure that all of those causes infected to persons as
barely
strength. On the other reason is persons have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
responsibilities to fulfil for their family, such as, look after kids, parents and job even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
those duties
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
persons sick and mental trouble like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression.

Furthermore
, every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
create a time-table by including day to day work and fitness,
especially
activities which can challenge to previous sickness.
Firstly
, adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the gym
regularly
, which is helping to fit mussels and body shape.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go jogging daily in the early morning, which is helping to maintain body fit and feel refreshed.
In addition
, all of those factors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the body strong and healthy to fight with disease that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
weak and having a proper fitness will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and comfortable.

In conclusion
, If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can spend at least one hour of their busy life, that time can spend to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fitness activities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to be strong and healthy.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 38

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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