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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.37

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 37
The increase in number of health related issues are the results of not involving our bodies in the habit of exercising, because a large amount of the population gets a few or either no period to do so, while they are busy in work or even free. This is the major problem nowadays, since everyone is involved in never ending assignments to compete the world. Firstly, due to modernization, the individual is adopting an unhealthy lifestyle. Furthermore, a rapid increase in fast food factories leads obesity among people. Secondly, the competitive world is putting a heavy load on the shoulders of the individual, due to which there is no period to exercise. According to the recent research carried out by one university graduate, he concluded that, 90% of the total population said, they must complete tasks before meeting the deadlines and moreover, in order to get promoted they were even more heavily loaded during their leisure hours, results in no period of any physical activity. Finally, they faced serious physical impairments, for instance, cervical, spinal cord disorders and eyesight weakness. The most effective solution was given by a famous neurologist in one of the seminar, he proposed an idea to conduct a workshop “importance of exercise” for employees. As per the report submitted, after reviewing the feedback, he concluded that, a mandatory class must be included during office hours. Hence, overall body could be maintained and recruiters should motivate staff to participate in such awareness campaigns. To conclude, health should be kept on the top most priority before indulging in office tasks. Recruiters should encourage their staff members to join some fitness centres. In addition, they should provide a gym facility in the office premises to avoid any delay in work, due to wellness issues and moreover, a healthy person can lead the company to its greatest heights.
The increase in number of health related issues are the results of not involving our bodies in the habit of exercising,
because
a large amount of the population
gets
a few or either no period to do
so
, while they are busy in work or even free. This is the major problem nowadays, since everyone
is involved
in never ending assignments to compete the world.

Firstly
, due to modernization, the individual is adopting an unhealthy lifestyle.
Furthermore
, a rapid increase in
fast
food factories leads obesity among
people
.
Secondly
, the competitive world is putting a heavy load on the shoulders of the individual, due to which there is no period to exercise. According to the recent research carried out by one university graduate, he concluded that, 90% of the total population said, they
must
complete tasks
before
meeting the deadlines and
moreover
, in order to
get
promoted they were even more
heavily
loaded during their leisure hours, results in no period of any physical activity.
Finally
, they faced serious physical impairments,
for instance
, cervical, spinal cord disorders and eyesight weakness.

The most effective solution was
given
by a
famous
neurologist in one of the seminar, he proposed an
idea
to conduct a workshop “importance of exercise” for employees. As per the report submitted, after reviewing the feedback, he concluded that, a mandatory
class
must
be included
during office hours.
Hence
,
overall
body could
be maintained
and recruiters should motivate staff to participate in such awareness campaigns.

To conclude
, health should be
kept
on the top most priority
before
indulging in office tasks. Recruiters should encourage their staff members to
join
some
fitness
centres
.
In addition
, they should provide a gym facility in the office premises to avoid any delay in work, due to wellness issues and
moreover
, a healthy person can lead the
company
to its greatest heights.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 37

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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