Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.35

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 35
Undoubtedly, in the modern era, the work-life balance is a critical aspect of life. A plethora of working individual opts for little or no exercise during their working day or spare time, which leads to health issues. Excessive working hours and the sedentary lifestyle are the causes and companies maintaining flexible working time and the awareness about health issues are the solutions, which this essay will discuss. To begin with, one of the predominant reasons for this problem is the heavy workload at the workplace. Either the desire of earning more or companies requiring employees to work more due to their business requirements, people resort to working for long hours, thereby does not find time for leisure activities such as exercise. This, in turn, leads to health issues. Furthermore, the sedentary lifestyle is another reason. Working individuals, for instance, when finding free time, they usually prefer to stay at homes, watching TV or other indoor activities. Thus, leading to no exercise in their daily routine. On the other hand, there are some solutions to mitigate this issue. Firstly, companies should provide reasonable working hours to maintain a work-life balance. If corporations look after the health prospect of their employees by providing flexible working routine, it would give workers the time for exercise. Secondly, the government awareness campaign in this regard is also crucial. If the state passed the message about the adverse effects of sitting for a long time without doing any physical activities such as heart problem, obesity, and depression, working individuals might become health conscious. This might make them start some physical activities. A government awareness program regarding the detrimental effects of having no exercise, for example, in Australia has increased the percentage of morning walk among the working population from 35% to 65%. In conclusion, the workaholic trend in the workplace and the sedentary approach in life are the primary reasons for the working people not receiving an adequate amount of exercise; however, flexible working routine and the government campaign can resolve this issue.
Undoubtedly
, in the modern era, the work-life balance is a critical aspect of life. A plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
individual opts for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
day or spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, which leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
. Excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours and the sedentary lifestyle are the causes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
maintaining flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and the awareness about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
are the solutions, which this essay will discuss.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the predominant reasons for this problem is the heavy workload at the workplace. Either the desire of earning more or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
requiring employees to work more due to their business requirements,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
resort to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for long hours, thereby does not find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. This, in turn, leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
Furthermore
, the sedentary lifestyle is another reason.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
individuals,
for instance
, when finding free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they
usually
prefer to stay at homes, watching TV or other indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Thus
, leading to no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in their daily routine.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to mitigate this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should provide reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours to maintain a work-life balance. If corporations look after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
prospect of their employees by providing flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
routine, it would give workers the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
awareness campaign in this regard is
also
crucial. If the state passed the message about the adverse effects of sitting for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
without doing any physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as heart problem, obesity, and depression,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
individuals might become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conscious. This might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
awareness program regarding the detrimental effects of having no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
,
for example
, in Australia has increased the percentage of morning walk among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
population from 35% to 65%.

In conclusion
, the workaholic trend in the workplace and the sedentary approach in life are the primary reasons for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
not receiving an adequate amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
;
however
, flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
routine and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
campaign can resolve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 35

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts