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Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology can replace their functions. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology can replace their functions. v. 4
There is a strong argument from some people that government run libraries have become obsolete since digital gadgets can completely replace them. I concur this point of view completely, because the core purpose of a library was to provide a vast variety of books on various knowledge areas could be made available, and it is now easily accessible to anyone with a simple click. The funding spent for maintaining such institutions could be served well elsewhere in different public serving departments, and also in further enhancing the digital aspect of it. To begin, with the passage of time and with technological and cultural change many things became obsolete. Such as, in earlier days people used to research and access knowledgeable information from publicly funded libraries, and people used to gather in these libraries in their free time, but now since everyone is so clenched up in their daily routine they and they have a smartphone in their pockets loaded with tons of information and books. Thus, due to the constraint of free time and ease of alternative access available the trend of visiting these libraries has decreased. Furthermore, the amount of budget spent by government to make these libraries up and running is exacerbated. Alternatively, if this funding is to be utilized in other essential departments, such as universities, schools etc. , the result would be much more fruitful. Along with this, the government could develop their own digital library portal, because it is a very lucrative venture in terms of investment, too. To illustrate, one of the world's biggest online store "Amazon" realized this opportunity and it launched its own e-tablet named "Kindle tablet", it is a tablet specifically designed for reading books purchased from their e-store. In conclusion, utilization of tax money on physical libraries is useless, because of technological advancements. In the near future, I think, these libraries would be abolished and would convert them into some other public serving organizations.
There is a strong argument from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
run libraries have become obsolete since digital gadgets can completely replace them. I concur this point of view completely,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the core purpose of a library was to provide a vast variety of books on various knowledge areas could
be made
available, and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
easily
accessible to anyone with a simple click. The funding spent for maintaining such institutions could
be served
well elsewhere in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
public serving departments, and
also
in
further
enhancing the digital aspect of it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, with the passage of time and with technological and cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things became obsolete. Such as, in earlier days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to research and access knowledgeable information from
publicly
funded libraries, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to gather in these libraries in their free time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
since everyone is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
clenched up in their daily routine
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
they and
they have a smartphone in their pockets loaded with tons of information and books.
Thus
, due to the constraint of free time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of alternative access available the trend of visiting these libraries has decreased.

Furthermore
, the amount of budget spent by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these libraries up and running
is exacerbated
.
Alternatively
, if this funding is to
be utilized
in other essential departments, such as universities, schools etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
the result would be much more fruitful. Along with this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
digital library portal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lucrative venture in terms of investment, too. To illustrate, one of the world's biggest online store
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Amazon
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
realized this opportunity and it launched its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
e-tablet named
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Kindle tablet
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, it is a tablet
specifically
designed for reading books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
from their e-store.

In conclusion
, utilization of tax money on physical libraries is useless,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of technological advancements. In the near future, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, these libraries would
be abolished
and would convert them into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other public serving organizations.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology can replace their functions. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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