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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.31

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 31
Nowadays, many workers do not have enough exercise during their working period or in their leisure time. From my knowledge, people have to participate in activities for maintaining their body and be healthy. The first point that, citizens are being busy with their job because they want to spend luxury life, such as brand new car and luxury house therefore they have to work hard to achieve their goals. In addition, human have a responsibility to do for their family that makes them physical and mental illness. For instance, most of workers are working longer shift, sit in front of a computer, then a few months later they get eye infection and depression resulting from not having proper physical activities. Another fact that, if residents can spend one hour from their working period or free time that moment can spend in the fitness centre because it creates strong body and feel less stress and this is a popular way of being healthy. Furthermore, people can manage their diet plan which is the main cause of being healthy and it helps to maintain a healthy figure. Additionally, families go for jogging early morning on account of the fact that it helps to maintain body shape and relax their mind in order to feel more active and refreshed. Moreover, this is one of easy and cheap activity people can follow. In conclusion, residents have for some time from their day to day life cycle to do some fitness activities also balancing their diet system which is helped to stay healthy and strong.
Nowadays,
many
workers do not have
enough
exercise during their working period or in their leisure time. From my knowledge,
people
have to
participate in activities for maintaining their body and be healthy.

The
first
point that, citizens are being busy with their job
because
they want to spend luxury life, such as
brand new
car and luxury
house
therefore
they
have to
work
hard
to achieve their goals.
In addition
, human have a responsibility to do for their family that
makes
them physical and mental illness.
For instance
,
most of workers
are working longer shift, sit in front of a computer, then a few months later they
get
eye infection and depression resulting from not having proper physical activities.

Another fact that, if residents can spend one hour from their working period or free time that moment can spend in the fitness
centre
because
it creates strong body and feel less
stress
and this is a popular way of being
healthy
.
Furthermore
,
people
can manage their diet plan which is the main cause of being
healthy
and it
helps
to maintain a
healthy
figure.
Additionally
, families go for jogging early morning on account of the fact that it
helps
to maintain body shape and relax their mind in order to feel more active and refreshed.
Moreover
, this is one of easy and
cheap
activity
people
can follow.

In conclusion
, residents have for
some
time from their
day to day
life cycle to do
some
fitness activities
also
balancing their diet system which is
helped
to stay
healthy
and strong.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 31

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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