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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.23

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 23
The majority of full-time employees devote hardly any time for physical activity and exercise. This causes an increase in incidences of obesity, heart diseases, and lethargy. This essay will analyse the reasons that prevent people from exercising and also recommend some viable solutions. People who work full-time are caught up in meeting the deadlines and often work overtime. Everyone is in a rush to beat the traffic congestion and reach their office on time. As a result, they often buy / choose junk food for breakfast or lunch as it is easily available and ready to eat. The consumption of junk food causes an increase in cases of obesity) and makes people lazy due to the high content of sodium and carbohydrates in them. Apart from this, employees often complain about lack of time for exercise or any fitness related activity. They feel stressed about finishing their tasks on time and often work overtime. Moreover, many workers, especially those who must travel long distances to reach their workplace, do not get time to hit the gym or play games. Firstly, it is the organization’s duty to ensure that their employees are mentally and physically stable. The companies should provide their employees with free time to exercise as it can help them energize themselves. The employees should also be provided with free/subsidized gym membership in gyms which are closer to their homes. The government and private organizations can team-up to offer customized diet plans to their employees. In addition’ office canteens must ban the supply of soft drinks and junk food. In conclusion, lack of physical exercise can lead to several health-related complications amongst employees. The government and private organizations must work together to help ensure that their employees get enough time to exercise and avoid regular/ excessive consumption of junk food.
The majority of full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
devote hardly any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for physical activity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. This causes an increase in incidences of obesity, heart diseases, and lethargy. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the reasons that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from exercising and
also
recommend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
viable solutions.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
full-time
are caught
up in meeting the deadlines and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime. Everyone is in a rush to beat the traffic congestion and reach their office on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
As a result
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
/ choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
food for breakfast or lunch as it is
easily
available and ready to eat. The consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
food causes an increase in cases of obesity
Unpaired symbol: '(' seems to be missing
)
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lazy due to the high content of sodium and carbohydrates in them. Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
complain about lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
or any fitness related activity. They feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
about finishing their tasks on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers,
especially
those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
travel long distances to reach their workplace, do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to hit the gym or play games.

Firstly
, it is the organization’s duty to ensure that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are mentally and
physically
stable. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
with free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
as it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them energize themselves. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should
also
be provided
with free/subsidized gym membership in gyms which are closer to their homes.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and private organizations can team-up to offer customized diet plans to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
’ office canteens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ban the supply of soft drinks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
food.

In conclusion
, lack of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
can lead to several health-related complications amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and private organizations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
ensure that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and avoid regular/ excessive consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
food.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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