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Providing a national system in a country where the unemployed receive a regular payment only encourages people not to seek work and puts an unreasonable strain on a country's financial resources. Discuss this statement and give your opinion. v.1

Providing a national system in a country where the unemployed receive a regular payment only encourages people not to seek work and puts an unreasonable strain on a country's financial resources. Discuss this statement and give your opinion. v. 1
Some countries around the world administer system at the national level where they assist nationals by providing regular payment during their unemployment phase. some people consider this kind of system as a stimulus for not to work throughout their lives which could result in a financial burden on their government. I partially agree with the mentioned statement. In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives and backing this kind of operations In some cases. First of all, many developed countries have implemented this system so that natives who suffer from poverty can have money for basic needs on a regular basis. The physical, mental and financial wellbeing of them is the main purpose. however, the distribution of funding will be decided according to the province's economic growth and development. secondly, these governments not only help people for job search but also for vocational training. this way is helpful for permanent residence holders to become financially independent as well as skilled human resources in the near future. There are fewer crimes such as stealing and shoplifting also. Although good and well-planned policy related to these benefits, there are few loopholes in it. for example, a few percentages of the population generally take advantage of being paid without working. Knowingly or Unknowingly, those people feel lazy to find any job later on. Moreover, they unable to prioritize it because they do not have any urgency to get employed. consequences of these schemes twofold financial difficulty to manage all other public services such as tax rates, fees at private as well as public sectors. To sum up, Financial aid by any country is helpful for responsible citizens and disabled people but misuse of this scheme leads to monetary pressure to govern the nation for the long term. Although few drawbacks, I think such privileges for nationals stand out as well educated and crime-free civil country. Furthermore, It encourages civilians to create their communities with peace and harmony.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
around the world administer system at the national level where they assist nationals by providing regular payment during their unemployment phase.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider this kind of system as a stimulus for not to work throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
which could result in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
burden on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the mentioned statement. In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives and backing this kind of operations In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have implemented this system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that natives who suffer from poverty can have money for basic needs on a regular basis. The physical, mental and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
of them is the main purpose.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, the distribution of funding will
be decided
according to the province's economic growth and development.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for job search
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for vocational training.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
way is helpful for permanent residence holders to become
financially
independent
as well
as skilled human resources in the near future. There are fewer crimes such as stealing and shoplifting
also
.

Although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and well-planned policy related to these benefits, there are few loopholes in it.
for example
, a few percentages of the population
generally
take advantage of
being paid
without working.
Knowingly
or
Unknowingly
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel lazy to find any job later on.
Moreover
,
Did you mean "they are" or "they were"?
they
unable to prioritize it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have any urgency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequences
of these schemes twofold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
difficulty to manage all other public services such as tax rates, fees at private
as well
as public sectors.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Financial
aid by any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is helpful for responsible citizens and disabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
misuse of this scheme leads to monetary pressure to govern the nation for the long term. Although few drawbacks, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
such privileges for nationals stand out as
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
and crime-free civil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Furthermore
, It encourages civilians to create their communities with peace and harmony.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Providing a national system in a country where the unemployed receive a regular payment only encourages people not to seek work and puts an unreasonable strain on a country's financial resources. Discuss this statement and give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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