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Currently, many people fail to balance the work with the other parts of lives. What are the problems and solutions? v.1

Currently, many people fail to balance the work with the other parts of lives. What are the problems and solutions? v. 1
IN THE PRESENT TIME, IDIVIDUALS ARE LACKING BEHIND IN MAINTANING BALANCE BETWEEN PROFESSIONAL AND FAMILY LIFE. FIRSTLY, THIS ESSAY WILL DISCUSS ABOUT HOW INFATION AND INCREASED WORKLOAD AT OFFICE AFFECT THE OTHER PARTS OF THE LIVES AND SECONDLY, IMLIMENTING SOME NEW LAW THROUGH GOVERNMENT AND PRIORTISE WORK EFFECTIVELY HELP THE IN REDUCING THIS ISSUE. ON THE ONE HAND, THE PRIME REASON FOR IMBALANCE IN PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL IS THAT PEOPLE ALSO UNABLE TO CO-OP THE BALANCE IN BETWEEN BECAUSE OF THE INFLATION. TO ILLUSTRATE, EVERYBODY HAVE THE DESIRE TO FULFILL THEIR CHILDREN, PARENTS, WIFES WISHES. BUT DUE TO INFLATION THEY ARE UNCAPABLE TO FULFILL. AS A RESULT, THEY HAVE TO WORK HARD AND DO OVERTIME WORK EVENTHOUGH THEY ARE TIRED OR ILL AND SO ON. FOR AN EXAMPLE, MY FATHER WAS A LECTURER IN THE SECONDARY SCHOLLD IN INDIA. AND WE WERE 4 CHILDREN AND MY MOTHER FOR WHOM HE HAS TO EARN MONEY TO FEED US. SO HE USED TO DO LOTS OF WORK AND ALSO RUNNING SIDE BUSINESS OF THE FINANCE. BECAUSE OF THIS TWO WORKS HE WAS NOT HAVING WAS NOT HAVING ENOUGH TIME TO SPEND WITH US. IT IS NOT THAT MY FATHER DID NOT WANT BUT HE DID NOT HAVE ANONTHER CHOICE EXCCEPT MULTIPLE WORKS. ON THE OTHER HAND, FIRSTLY, I SUGGEST THAT IF PERSON POPELRY PRIORITISE HIS POR HER WORK THAN IT IS POSSIBLE TO COOPERATE WITH BOTH LIVES. TO ELABORATE, WHEN ONE CAN KNOW THAT WHICH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT WORK AT A TIME LIKE, IF BOSS ASK TO STAY BACK AFTER AN OFFICE HOURS THAT TIME HE SHOULD SAY NO BECAUSE HIS FAMILY AND LOVED ONES ARE WAITING. SECONDLY, GOVERNMENT SHOULD IMPLIMENT SOME NEW RULES LIKE WORKING MORE THAN 6 HOURS A DAY IS FORBIDDEN BECAUSE IF, IT IS A LAW, THEN NO ONE CAN FORCE THE EMPLOYEE TO WORK OUT OF THE LAW AND ONE CAN ABLE TO GET SOME FREE TIME TO SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME WITH CLOSE FRIENDS ANF FAMILY. FOR AN EXAPMLE, IN FOREIGN COUNTRY THERE IS A RULE THAT YOU ONE CAN NOT WORK MORE THAN 40 HOURS A DAY OFFICIALLY. THUS EVERYONE IS HAVNING QULITY TIME FOR FAMILIY. THIS HOW THEY MAINTAIN THE BALANCE. TO SUM UP, IT IS TRUE THAT NO ONE IS HAVING OTHER CHOICES ACCEPT WORKING MORE BUT IF IDIVIDUALS LEARN MANAGEMNT SKILLS LIKE TIME MANAGEMENT THEN THIS PROBLES CAN BE OVERCOME.
IN THE PRESENT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
IDIVIDUALS
ARE LACKING BEHIND IN
Possible spelling mistake found.
MAINTANING
BALANCE BETWEEN PROFESSIONAL AND FAMILY LIFE.
FIRSTLY
, THIS ESSAY WILL
Did you mean simply "DISCUSS HOW"? You do not need the word "about" here.
DISCUSS ABOUT HOW
Possible spelling mistake found.
INFATION
AND INCREASED WORKLOAD AT OFFICE AFFECT THE OTHER PARTS OF THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LIVES
AND
SECONDLY
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
IMLIMENTING
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
NEW LAW THROUGH
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
AND
Possible spelling mistake found.
PRIORTISE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
EFFECTIVELY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
THE IN REDUCING THIS ISSUE.

ON THE ONE HAND, THE PRIME REASON FOR IMBALANCE IN PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL IS THAT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
ALSO
UNABLE TO CO-OP THE BALANCE IN BETWEEN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF THE INFLATION. TO ILLUSTRATE, EVERYBODY
The pronoun 'EVERYBODY' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
HAVE
THE DESIRE TO FULFILL THEIR CHILDREN, PARENTS,
Possible spelling mistake found.
WIFES WISHES
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
DUE TO INFLATION THEY ARE
Possible spelling mistake found.
UNCAPABLE
TO FULFILL.
AS A RESULT
, THEY
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
HAVE TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HARD
AND DO OVERTIME
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
Possible spelling mistake found.
EVENTHOUGH
THEY
ARE TIRED
OR ILL AND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
ON. FOR AN EXAMPLE, MY FATHER WAS A LECTURER IN THE SECONDARY
Possible spelling mistake found.
SCHOLLD
IN INDIA. AND WE WERE 4 CHILDREN AND MY MOTHER FOR WHOM HE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
HAS TO
EARN MONEY TO FEED US.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
HE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USED
TO DO LOTS OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
AND
ALSO
RUNNING SIDE BUSINESS OF THE FINANCE.
BECAUSE OF THIS
TWO WORKS HE WAS NOT HAVING WAS NOT HAVING
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ENOUGH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
TO SPEND WITH US. IT IS NOT THAT MY FATHER DID NOT WANT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
HE DID NOT HAVE
Possible spelling mistake found.
ANONTHER
CHOICE
Possible spelling mistake found.
EXCCEPT
MULTIPLE WORKS.

ON THE OTHER HAND
,
FIRSTLY
, I SUGGEST THAT IF PERSON
Possible spelling mistake found.
POPELRY
Possible spelling mistake. 'PRIORITISE' is British English.
PRIORITISE
HIS POR HER
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
THAN IT IS POSSIBLE TO COOPERATE WITH BOTH
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LIVES
. TO ELABORATE, WHEN ONE CAN KNOW THAT WHICH IS THE MOST
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
IMPORTANT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
AT A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
LIKE, IF BOSS ASK TO STAY BACK AFTER AN OFFICE HOURS THAT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
HE SHOULD SAY NO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
HIS FAMILY AND
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LOVED
ONES ARE WAITING.
SECONDLY
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
SHOULD
Possible spelling mistake found.
IMPLIMENT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
NEW
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
RULES
LIKE WORKING MORE THAN 6 HOURS A DAY
IS FORBIDDEN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
IF, IT IS A LAW, THEN NO ONE CAN FORCE THE EMPLOYEE TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
OUT OF THE LAW AND ONE
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
CAN ABLE TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
FREE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
TO SPEND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
QUALITY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
WITH CLOSE FRIENDS ANF FAMILY. FOR AN
Possible spelling mistake found.
EXAPMLE
, IN FOREIGN COUNTRY THERE IS A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
RULE
THAT YOU ONE CAN NOT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
MORE THAN 40 HOURS A DAY
OFFICIALLY
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
THUS
EVERYONE IS
Possible spelling mistake found.
HAVNING
Possible spelling mistake found.
QULITY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
FOR
Possible spelling mistake found.
FAMILIY
. THIS HOW THEY MAINTAIN THE BALANCE.

TO SUM UP, IT IS TRUE THAT NO ONE IS HAVING OTHER CHOICES ACCEPT WORKING MORE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
IF
Possible spelling mistake found.
IDIVIDUALS
LEARN
Possible spelling mistake found.
MANAGEMNT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SKILLS
LIKE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
MANAGEMENT THEN THIS
Possible spelling mistake found.
PROBLES
CAN
BE OVERCOME
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Mistakes

IELTS essay Currently, many people fail to balance the work with the other parts of lives. What are the problems and solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
399 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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