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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.1

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 1
The world looks differently than before, people want to have a better standard of living and to achieve that they work long hours, the nature of work also changes, many jobs are based in the office, people struggle to get into physical activities on the daily basis, and they don't do it on the weekend either. It leads to the health problems and I would like to consider what can be done to change that. People start their days early and finish really late, often spending a lot of time in the front of the computer, with lack of daylight in the office. Spending all day like that, can badly affect your health in many different ways, for example, you can develop a back and neck pains from sitting long hours in the same position. There can be many different reasons why working people do not get enough of exercises, one of them is access to the gym. If after a long day at work you have driven long distances to get to the gym, you simply will avoid it. It can be changed, if you can have access into the gym at your work place. Also gym membership can be expensive and people who don't earn enough can't really afforded to pay for it, it could be changed by reducing the price for a gym membership, or offering discounts from the council. If you have a family and you work during the week, you obviously want to spend your free time with family, and that can be the reason why working people don't exercise in their free time, but if we could offer discounts on family membership, and access to swimming pools and leisure centre I'm sure that would help and encourage people to exercise more. Healthy lifestyle is something what everyone should try to implement in their lives, exercising is a part of it, it can improve your mood, you are more effective at work and quality of life change if you are an active person. We should campaign, for more people to exercise, and do whatever we can to encourage them to change their bad habits.
The world looks
Use "(differently)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
differently
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to have a better standard of living and to achieve that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
hours, the nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs
are based
in the office,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
struggle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into physical activities on the daily basis, and they don't do it on the weekend either. It leads to the health problems and I would like to consider what can
be done
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
that.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their days early and finish
really
late,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time in the front of the computer, with lack of daylight in the office. Spending all day like that, can
badly
affect your health in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways,
for example
, you can develop a back and neck pains from sitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
hours in the same position.

There can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons why working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
, one of them is access to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
. If after a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
day at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
you have driven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
distances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
, you
simply
will avoid it. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, if you can have access into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
at your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
membership can be expensive and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who don't earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
can't
really
The verb 'can't' requires base form of this verb: "afford"
afforded
to pay for it, it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by reducing the price for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
membership, or offering discounts from the council. If you have a family and you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during the week, you
obviously
want to spend your free time with family, and that can be the reason why working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in their free time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if we could offer discounts on family membership, and access to swimming pools and leisure
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
I'm sure that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
more.

Healthy lifestyle is something what everyone should try to implement in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, exercising is a part of it, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your mood, you are more effective at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and quality of life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
if you are an active person. We should campaign, for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, and do whatever we can to encourage them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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