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Many working people get little or no exercise either durimg the working day and in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem. v.1

Many working people get little or no exercise either durimg the working day and in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem. v. 1
Nowadays, working people devoit less and less time to eclxercise and as a result, they develop health problems. Many work people do not  get enough exercise because of their work load. This, and a solution to this problem will be further examined in this essay. Firstly, employees does not get enough exercise due to their different work load. Most companies give their workers much more office duties than they can bear, hence, they resort to staying up late in the office and using their free hours to perform the task, in order, to meet these deliverables. Once they get home, they go straight to bed in preparation for the next working day, leaving them with a few hours of sleep and no time for any form of physical activities. For instance, in a survey conducted by the "Health society". It was discovered that about 80% of the correspondents gave work load as the reason for their poor exercise habit. A particular person even gave details of how his boss loads him with  different work activities each day with unrealistic delivery periods which make him spend every free time on ensuring the work is done. A solution to this epidemic is the introduction of compulsory work out program. In order to promote good exercise habit and help improve its employees health, firms are urged to set aside a day in the month  for a maximum of 1 hour aerobics session with its employees. For example, ABC company, having noticed that its staff were regularly complaining of health problems introduced a one hour monthly  "get fit program" with top fitness experts as facilitators. After about 2 months of running this session,   the firm noted that there was a reduction in the rate of sickness and also an improvement in the general well being of the staff which increased their productivity and the business profit. In  conclusion,   busy lifestyle is the main reason for no form of physical activities, thus, having an aerobic session will go a long way in solving this problem. Also, the importance of keeping fit should be well emphasized.   As the saying goes "Health is wealth".
Nowadays, working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
devoit
less and less time to
Possible spelling mistake found.
eclxercise
and
as a result
, they develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
load
. This, and a solution to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
will be
further
examined in this essay.

Firstly
, employees does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
due to their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
load
. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
give their workers much more office duties than they can bear,
hence
, they resort to staying up late in the office and using their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
to perform the task, in order, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
these deliverables. Once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
home, they go straight to bed in preparation for the
next
working day, leaving them with a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of sleep and no time for any form of physical activities.
For instance
, in a survey conducted by the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Health society
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. It
was discovered
that about 80% of the correspondents gave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
load
as the reason for their poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
habit. A particular person even gave
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of how his boss
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loads
him with
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
activities each day with unrealistic delivery periods which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him spend every free time on ensuring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is done
.

A solution to this epidemic is the introduction of compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
out program. In order to promote
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
habit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
its employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, firms
are urged
to set aside a day in the month
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
for a maximum of 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
aerobics session with its employees.
For example
, ABC
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, having noticed that its staff were
regularly
complaining of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
introduced a one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
monthly
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fit program
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
with top fitness experts as facilitators. After about 2 months of running this session,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the firm noted that there was a reduction in the rate of sickness and
also
an improvement in the general
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of the staff which increased their productivity and the business profit.

In
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
conclusion,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
busy lifestyle is the main reason for no form of physical activities,
thus
, having an aerobic session will go a long way in solving this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
Also
, the importance of keeping fit should be well emphasized.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the saying goes
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Health is wealth
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either durimg the working day and in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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