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There is an increasing number of people who do not know their neighbor. What causes this situation? How to solve it? Give your own idea. v.1

There is an increasing number of people who do not know their neighbor. What causes this situation? How to solve it? Give your own idea. v. 1
In recent times, a lot of people have little knowledge of their neighborhood and those living in it. This is due to the rise in the use of electronic devices such as phones, computers and the internet, but this issue can be tackled by setting time limits on the use of these gadgets at home. Perhaps, the major reason for the increase in the number of people that bearly know their neigbors is overdependence on electronic appliances and the internet. The advancements in technology afford people the opportunity to watch television programs, subscribe for movies in the comfort of their homes, make friends online and regularly interact with them as well as like minds on the social media without being concern about happenings in their immediate environments and those living in it. For instance, in many industrialized countries, both the grown ups and the youths are increasing become less social because they depend more on online interactions compared to having face-to-face discussions. As a result, many people have little knowledge of people around them. Fortunately, a promising solution to this problem is to encourage individuals and families to reduce the time spent online and with electronic devices. This would afford people more freetime which can be use to make friends with their neighbors, regularly interact with them and maintain healthy relationships. For example, a recent study by Sociologist in Nigeria suggested that people would be more socially inclined if they reduce the time spent on their mobile phones, and use it to attend to social events around them. Thus, people would have more time to become familiar with their neigbors. In conclusion, overreliance on the internet and electonic gadgets has increased the number of people who do not know people in their neigborhood. However, this challenge can be solved by reducing the time spent online and on these devices.
In recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
knowledge of their neighborhood and those living in it. This is due to the rise in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of electronic devices such as phones, computers and the internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this issue can
be tackled
by setting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
limits on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these gadgets at home.

Perhaps, the major reason for the increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
bearly
know their
Possible spelling mistake found.
neigbors
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
overdependence
on electronic appliances and the internet. The advancements in technology afford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television programs, subscribe for movies in the comfort of their homes,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and
regularly
interact with them
as well
as like minds on the social media without being concern about happenings in their immediate environments and those living in it.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industrialized countries, both the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
grown ups
and the youths are increasing become less social
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they depend more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
interactions compared to having face-to-face discussions.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them.

Fortunately
, a promising solution to this problem is to encourage individuals and families to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and with electronic devices. This would afford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
freetime
which can be
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with their neighbors,
regularly
interact with them and maintain healthy relationships.
For example
, a recent study by Sociologist in Nigeria suggested that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be more
socially
inclined if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent on their mobile phones, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to attend to social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
around them.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to become familiar with their
Possible spelling mistake found.
neigbors
.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
overreliance
on the internet and
Possible spelling mistake found.
electonic
gadgets has increased the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
neigborhood
.
However
, this challenge can
be solved
by reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and on these devices.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay There is an increasing number of people who do not know their neighbor. What causes this situation? How to solve it? Give your own idea. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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