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Many working people get little or no exercise during the workday or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many people do not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.1

Many working people get little or no exercise during the workday or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many people do not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 1
In most nations, people are becoming addicted to throwaway culture, which is buying goods, using them for a short period and then disposing of them. This essay will discuss causes for the issue such as being lured into enticing advertisements and urge for buying new products. This essay will also give problems which are created by this approach. Firstly, people are inclined to buy new things mainly because of the irresistible advertisements. In other words, manufacturers promote their new products rigorously and capitalize on the needs and this compels people into purchasing. Secondly, we live in a materialistic society where owning the latest goods reflects social status.  As a result, there is constant pressure on a person to throw away his old product and buy a new one. Take iPhone, For instance, which are exchanged for old phones, by thousands of people, as they have to exhibit superiority over others. There are two main consequences of this issue. One of them is that it poses a serious threat to the environment. Excessive production of goods leads to the depletion of natural resources. Also, when products are thrown away, they produce more garbage, which is often non-renewable. For instance, many trees are cut down to produce various household items. Another issue is that it leads to stress in the life of people. In simple terms, In order to show superiority over others, a lot of expenditure is borne by an individual, which majorly disturbs his budget and drags him towards health and social issues. To conclude, the throwaway culture is harming nature and creating social issues. Considering these impacts, this attitude of people should be discouraged.
In most nations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming addicted to throwaway culture, which is buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, using them for a short period and then disposing of them. This essay will discuss causes for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
such as
being lured
into enticing advertisements and urge for buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. This essay will
also
give problems which
are created
by this approach.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are inclined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the irresistible advertisements.
In other words
, manufacturers promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
rigorously
and capitalize on the needs and this compels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into purchasing.
Secondly
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a materialistic society where owning the latest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
reflects social status.  
As a result
, there is constant pressure on a person to throw away his
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
one.

Take iPhone,
For instance
, which
are exchanged
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
phones, by thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
exhibit superiority over others.

There are two main consequences of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
. One of them is that it poses a serious threat to the environment. Excessive production of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
leads to the depletion of natural resources.
Also
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are thrown
away, they produce more garbage, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
non-renewable.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
trees are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down to produce various household items. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
is that it leads to 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In simple terms, In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
superiority over others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
expenditure
is borne
by an individual, which
majorly
disturbs his budget and drags him towards health and social issues.

To conclude
, the throwaway culture is harming nature and creating social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
. Considering these impacts, this attitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be discouraged
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise during the workday or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many people do not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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