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Employers should give longer holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree? v.1

Employers should give longer holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree? v. 1
Undeniably, employees spend a lot of time at the workplace, which makes them stressed and anxious and thereby, affects the quality of their work. There is a perpetuating debate over motivating workers to perform well by providing more holidays. This essay will elaborate on my contention that giving longer holidays is entirely justified. To begin with, most of the companies are willing to give extended holidays to its employees. Is it completely preposterous? One could argue not. The vital reason is that taking time off from work will relieve a person from stress as they will be able to spend time with family, indulge in other personal activities etc. This way, workers will be able to achieve work-life balance, which is utmost important in an individuals life. This balance enables a person to fulfil his responsibilities at work properly. For instance, a study by Oxford University revealed that performance levels rose drastically when employees were given enough holidays. Unequivocally, this bolsters my confidence that extended leaves result in good performance of workers. Nevertheless, allowing abundant leaves many results in employees becoming unwilling to work and demotivated. Moreover, they become resistant to come back to work and are unhappy if they return. Overall, though, this is pale in comparison to the benefits associated with granting extended holidays to the workforce. In conclusion, it is often presumed that granting longer holidays motivates workers to do their job well. This essay discussed and substantiated my argument that encouraging workers to take longer holidays is extremely necessary as it motivates them to perform better at their job.
Undeniably
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time at the workplace, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and anxious and thereby, affects the quality of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. There is a perpetuating debate over motivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to perform well by providing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
. This essay will elaborate on my contention that giving longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
is
entirely
justified.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are willing to give extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. Is it completely preposterous? One could argue not. The vital reason is that taking time off from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will relieve a person from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
as they will be able to spend time with family, indulge in other personal activities etc. This way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
will be able to achieve work-life balance, which is utmost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in an
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "individuals'" or "individual's"?
individuals
life. This balance enables a person to fulfil his responsibilities at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
properly
.
For instance
, a study by Oxford University revealed that performance levels rose
drastically
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
.
Unequivocally
, this bolsters my confidence that extended
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
result in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
performance of workers.

Nevertheless
, allowing abundant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
becoming unwilling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and demotivated.
Moreover
, they become resistant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and are unhappy if they return.
Overall
, though, this is pale
in comparison
to the benefits associated with granting extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
to the workforce.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
presumed that granting longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to do their job well. This essay discussed and substantiated my argument that encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to take longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
is
extremely
necessary as it motivates them to perform better at their job.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers should give longer holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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