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Many working people get little exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.1

Many working people get little exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 1
It is widely believed that after class assignment should not be given each day to school pupil, others consider it is necessary to have it daily so that children can become successful in school. In my opinion, I believe it is necessary to have homework to kids to catch-up with the lessons and at the same time it should not be burdened to them. In this essay, I will discuss both point of views, before putting forward why homework is essential. First of all the very purpose of having homework for students is to practise what they have done at school. In the majority of schools there are a lot of student’s study in one particular class and many subjects are taught in one particular day. Not all children have the capacity to understand this topic what teachers are teaching. So it is important to have fixed homework where they have sufficient time and they can practise with ease at home. Moreover, if there any doubt they can clarify with their parents and they are well aware of all the concepts which they are learning. Secondly if there is no after class work for students, children may not take the lessons seriously. Most of the time children avoid reading or writing they often want to play after schools. In such cases, most of the time parents may not be aware how they are doing in schools or what’s being taught to them each day, whether they are facing any difficulty in understanding the subjects. For example maths and science requires more practise mere theory session at school will not help the students. In conclusion, it is necessary to have homework for students' post school hours. But at the same time it should not be an additional burden to them where it occupies entire time and energy doing it.
It is
widely
believed that after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
assignment should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
each day to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupil, others consider it is necessary to have it daily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can become successful in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In my opinion, I believe it is necessary to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
to kids to catch-up with the lessons and at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
it should not
be burdened
to them. In this essay, I will discuss both point of views,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
putting forward why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
is essential.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
purpose of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
for students is to
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
what they have done at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
student’s study in one particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
subjects
are taught
in one particular day. Not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have the capacity to understand this topic what teachers are teaching.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
where they have sufficient
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they can
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
at home.
Moreover
, if
Please check whether a verb is missing here or whether 'there' should be 'their'.
there any
doubt they can clarify with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents and
they are well aware of all the concepts which they are learning.

Secondly
if there is
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
work for students,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may not take the lessons
seriously
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
avoid reading or writing they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
want to play after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. In such cases, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
parents may not be aware how they are doing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
or what’s
being taught
to them each day, whether they are facing any difficulty in understanding the subjects.
For example
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and science requires more
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
mere theory session at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the students.

In conclusion
, it is necessary to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
for students' post
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
hours.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
it should not be an additional burden to them where it occupies entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy doing it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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