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Many work people today work at home rather than in an office. Are there more advantages to working remotely than disadvantages? v.1

Many work people today work at home rather than in an office. Are there more advantages to working remotely than disadvantages? v. 1
Working from home is becoming increasingly popular. Many people opt to work at home instead of an office. Although working from home has many benefits as it more convenient and save more money, it has many drawbacks such as the feeling of boredom as well as loss the chance to learn which are extremely exceed the advantages. Individuals can relax and collect money in their saving accounts by working at home. People who work at home tend to have flexible time, they can start working whenever they want, which give them the opportunity to sleep extra hours. Furthermore, individuals can wear cozy clothes rather than a uniform or a formal inconvenient outfit. Studies show that people who work at home have less risk of getting stressed, diseases and they are healthier. In addition to this, individuals can save more money by working from home as they do not have to spend money on public transportation or to fuel their vehicles. Moreover, they can prepare and cook their own meal by themselves and they don't have to buy expensive meals. A survey was conducted in the UK showed that people save twice money from working at home. On the other hand, people who work at home are more vulnerable to get boredom and won't get enough experience. Social interaction is one of the human requirements and people tend to communicate the most during work as they spend most of their day at an office where there are many employers. Therefore, when Individuals opt to work from home, they won't communicate with anyone and get depressed. Research shows that more than 60% of individuals who work at home have social anxiety problems as well as depression. Furthermore, the workplace provides employees with the opportunity to exchange their experiences and improve themselves by learning from each other and by being in direct contact with their boss. In conclusion, many individuals prefer to work at home. Despite the beneficial things of this phenomenon such as saving money and convenience, it has many disadvantages like the feeling of boredom and loss the opportunity to get improved. In my opinion, the drawbacks completely outweigh the benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
from home is becoming
increasingly
popular.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home
instead
of an office. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits as it more convenient and save more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks such as the feeling of boredom
as well
as loss the chance to learn which are
extremely
Consider using a past participle here: "exceeded".
exceed
the advantages.

Individuals can relax and collect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in their saving accounts by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home tend to have flexible time, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
whenever they want, which give them the opportunity to sleep extra hours.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can wear cozy clothes
rather
than a uniform or a formal inconvenient outfit. Studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home have less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
,
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
diseases and
they are healthier.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can save more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home as they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on public transportation or to fuel their vehicles.
Moreover
, they can prepare and cook their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
meal by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
themselves and
they don't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
expensive meals. A survey
was conducted
in the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
save twice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home are more vulnerable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
boredom and won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
experience. Social interaction is one of the human requirements and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to communicate the most during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as they spend most of their day at an office where there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers.
Therefore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
opt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home, they won't communicate with anyone and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depressed. Research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that more than 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home have social anxiety problems
as well
as depression.
Furthermore
, the workplace provides employees with the opportunity to exchange their experiences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves by learning from each other and by being in direct contact with their boss.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home. Despite the beneficial things of this phenomenon such as saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and convenience, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages like the feeling of boredom and loss the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. In my opinion, the drawbacks completely outweigh the benefits.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many work people today work at home rather than in an office. Are there more advantages to working remotely than disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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