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Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. v. 3
Huge pay is very significant to work contentment. Some people value earning more than being happy with their jobs. In my opnion, I value the work fulfillment more than large remuneration because it drives productivity and improves work-life balance. Firstly, the core inputs required to deliver quality output at work are employee motivation and loyalty which are by-products of job satisfaction. Happy employees are very committed to their daily tasks as they feel they are contributing to the overall achievement of the company. These people are self-energised to support the organisations vision and they are willing to go the extra mile to meet the agreed targets. For instance in my work, I face a lot of difficulties with the number of tasks that I need to complete in a short duration but I am driven to deliver an outcome that will help my team achieve their targets and put smiles on the faces of our final consumers. Furthermore, people who enjoy their jobs tend to see work as less stressful and as a way to make a difference in the society instead of a means to make ends meet. This is key to ensuring that they have reserved energy for their families and hobbies after their daily work. It is pertinent for companies to have employees that are fresh and re-energised on daily basis to drive their goals and help them achieve more competitive advantage. From my experiences at work and reports from online journals, it is clear that happy workers tend to stay very long with their employers and thereby providing the needed team stability, maintaining the organisation's culture and ultimately saving the company resources in backfilling and re-training replacement employees. In summary, while big remuneration is key to fulfilling short term human needs and wants, it is the derived work contentment that has the long term benefits of keeping us energised, happy, motivated, passionate and less-stressed. I will always value being happy with my job than earning more because my needs will always catch up with my salary.
Huge pay is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
contentment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
value earning more than being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. In my
Possible spelling mistake found.
opnion
, I value the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
fulfillment more than large remuneration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it drives productivity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
work-life balance.

Firstly
, the core inputs required to deliver quality output at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
are employee motivation and loyalty which are by-products of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happy
employees are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
committed to their daily tasks as they feel they are contributing to the
overall
achievement of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-energised
to support the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
vision and
they are willing to go the extra mile to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
targets.
For instance
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, I face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
difficulties with the number of tasks that I need to complete in a short duration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
am driven
to deliver an outcome that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
my team achieve their targets and put smiles on the faces of our final consumers.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as less stressful and as a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference in the society
instead
of a means to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
. This is key to ensuring that they have reserved energy for their families and hobbies after their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. It is pertinent for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to have employees that are fresh and
Possible spelling mistake. 're-energised' is British English.
re-energised
on daily basis to drive their goals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them achieve more competitive advantage. From my experiences at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and reports from online journals, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
workers tend to stay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long with their employers and thereby providing the needed team stability, maintaining the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
's culture and
ultimately
saving the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
resources in
Possible spelling mistake found.
backfilling
and re-training replacement employees.

In summary, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
remuneration is key to fulfilling short term human needs and wants, it is the derived
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
contentment that has the long term benefits of keeping us
Possible spelling mistake. 'energised' is British English.
energised
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
, motivated, passionate and less-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
. I will always value being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
than earning more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my needs will always catch up with my salary.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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