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In recent years, more people are choosing to read e-book rather than paper books. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

In recent years, more people are choosing to read e-book rather than paper books. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
It is often said that taking precautionary measures in dealing with diseases is a better approach than getting treatment after contracting one. Although this adage may be true, not all diseases can be prevented and therefore require treatment in order to be cured. This essay disagrees with this statement and will discuss why sometimes diseases cannot be prevented and hence research is necessary to cure them. There are a number of diseases that cannot be prevented through precaution such as measles, polio, chicken pox etc. Moreover, there are diseases which are genetically linked and people who have defective genes will contract these illnesses at some point of time. Therefore, in such cases, one has to visit a hospital and get necessary treatment in order to get cured. For instance, Type 1 diabetes, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease and certain types of cancers are hereditary and they can only be treated through medication and therapy. Without research, treatment for non preventable diseases will not be possible. In addition to that, there will always be a new disease outbreaks due to the evolution of bacteria and viruses. Recently, many people suffered from Ebola fever that led to the death of patients in severe cases. The causative virus also affects the development of the fetus in pregnant women. Therefore, we need to actively conduct research and arm ourselves to tackle unknown as well as non preventable diseases. To conclude, prevention should be practiced as a precaution to avoid getting sick, but this will not help us avoid certain illnesses which require medical intervention. Hence, research is absolutely required to develop vaccines, medicines and medical procedures to deal with genetically linked diseases and non preventable diseases.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that taking precautionary measures in dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
is a better approach than getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
after contracting one. Although this adage may be true, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
and
therefore
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
in order to
be cured
. This essay disagrees with this statement and will discuss why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
and
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
is necessary to cure them.

There are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
that cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
through precaution such as measles, polio, chicken pox etc.
Moreover
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
which are
genetically
linked and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have defective genes will contract these illnesses at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point of time.
Therefore
, in such cases, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
visit a hospital and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
cured.
For instance
, Type 1 diabetes, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
and certain types of cancers are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hereditary and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be treated
through medication and therapy.

Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
for
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non preventable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
will not be possible.
In addition
to that, there will always be a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
outbreaks due to the evolution of bacteria and viruses. Recently,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffered from Ebola fever that led to the death of patients in severe cases. The causative virus
also
affects the development of the fetus in pregnant women.
Therefore
, we need to
actively
conduct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
and arm ourselves to tackle unknown
as well
as
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non preventable
diseases.

To conclude
, prevention should
be practiced
as a precaution to avoid getting sick,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us avoid certain illnesses which require medical intervention.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
is
absolutely
required to develop vaccines, medicines and medical procedures to deal with
genetically
linked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non preventable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, more people are choosing to read e-book rather than paper books. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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