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Some people believe that it is better to keep criminals in prison for longer, while others disagree and say that we must find a different solution. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that it is better to keep criminals in prison for longer, while others disagree and say that we must find a different solution. v. 1
In today’s mod world, a set of predefined rules & regulations cannot be implemented in all scenarios. This is also true in case of set retirement age of 65 years for all. Thus, I strongly believed that the retirement age should vary according to the job profile. Every occupation in this fast paced world requires a mastery or specified skills to perform the duty accurately and time bound. Thus, having a common retirement age is not a fair game. For instance, sport person who has to maintain a high level of fitness will not have same retirement age as an office clerk has. There are greater chances that sport persons will leave their profession earlier than their counterparts. Further, the same concept applies to paramilitary personnel too, where high levels of physical & mental fitness required to deliver the end results. Since, every job demands multifarious skills, the retirement age should be different for all and pension eligibility age should also be different. In certain cases, the pension age should be earlier. For example, in case of army, air force or navy as compared to teachers or office clerks. Jobs which requires top notch competency or energy will be advantaged from earlier retirement. A profession, like an army, air force, paramilitary, athletics and so on are mostly benefited from early retirement. To conclude, I believe that the professions which required the highest level of competency or skills should have different retirement age. Moreover, they should also receive early pension accordingly.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s mod world, a set of predefined
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
& regulations cannot
be implemented
in all scenarios. This is
also
true in case of set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65 years for all.
Thus
, I
strongly
believed that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should vary according to the job profile.

Every occupation in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced world requires a mastery or specified
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to perform the duty
accurately
and time bound.
Thus
, having a common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
game.
For instance
, sport person who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
maintain a high level of fitness will not have same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
as an office clerk has. There are greater chances that sport persons will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their profession earlier than their counterparts.

Further
, the same concept
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
applies to
paramilitary personnel too, where high levels of physical & mental fitness required to deliver the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
results. Since, every job demands multifarious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
for all and pension eligibility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should
also
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. In certain cases, the pension
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should be earlier.
For example
, in case of army, air force or navy as compared to teachers or office clerks.

Jobs which requires
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top notch
competency or energy will
be advantaged
from earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
. A profession, like an army, air force, paramilitary, athletics and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on are
mostly
benefited from early retirement.

To conclude
, I believe that the professions which required the highest level of competency or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Moreover
, they should
also
receive early pension
accordingly
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is better to keep criminals in prison for longer, while others disagree and say that we must find a different solution. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
250 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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