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Many things that used to be done in the home by hands, but nowadays an increasing number of them are done by using machines. Discuss the advantages or disadvantages of this development. v.1

Many things that used to be done in the home by hands, but nowadays an increasing number of them are done by using machines. Discuss the advantages or disadvantages of this development. v. 1
College education is a highly revered benchmark around the world. In many countries, without a college level degree, a citizen is not considered eligible for state jobs. People attend colleges for many reasons, but career preparation is the most important goal between them. Most students enrol in colleges for better career prospects and they study professional and job oriented courses. If achieved successfully with threshold scores, these courses increase the industrial employability of learners by training them with the skills industries need. For example, many companies organise direct campus selection programs in colleges, offering professional courses, to hire ready to utilise resources with rewarding salary packages. To add to this, in many cases, based on education, employees get different remuneration for the exact same job, and college degrees play pivotal roles in accelerating promotion processes too. On the other hand, in addition to scintillating future job opportunities, university education also offers many new experiences. These experiences include migration to new countries, befriending new people, working while studying, and, most importantly, learning to adjust with people. If we take a look at foreign students’ data across Europe, it is eminent that around 20 % students in Universities are from Asian countries. These experiences burgeon adaptability skills to the pursuers and help in turning future paradigm citizens. Some people also attend higher university courses to enhance knowledge. Students under this section mostly pursue challenging master and doctorate degrees in their fields. Most of these learners turn researchers and help the progress of the world. Some governments offer enticing whooping packages to the best minds to convince latter to select this study stream. Finally, considering all reasons to attend colleges or universities, it is clear that the paramount reason is career growth. However, 'gaining new experiences' and 'enhancing knowledge' are also prodigious reasons.
College education is a
highly
revered benchmark around the world. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, without a college level degree, a citizen is not considered eligible for state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
attend colleges for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
career preparation is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
goal between them.

Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enrol in colleges for better career
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
prospects and
they study professional and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. If achieved
successfully
with threshold scores, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
increase the industrial employability of learners by training them with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
industries need.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
direct campus selection programs in colleges, offering professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, to hire ready to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
resources with rewarding salary packages. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to this, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, based on education, employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
remuneration for the exact same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and college degrees play pivotal roles in accelerating promotion processes too.

On the other hand
,
in addition
to scintillating future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education
also
offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experiences. These experiences include migration to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
countries, befriending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, working while studying, and, most
importantly
, learning to adjust with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. If we take a look at foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
data across Europe, it is eminent that around 20 %
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
are from Asian countries. These experiences burgeon adaptability
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to the pursuers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in turning future paradigm citizens.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
attend higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
to enhance knowledge.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
under this section
mostly
pursue challenging master and doctorate degrees in their fields. Most of these learners turn researchers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the progress of the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
offer enticing whooping packages to the best
The verb 'minds' is used with the gerund form: "minds convincing".
minds to convince
latter to select this study stream.

Finally
, considering all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to attend colleges or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the paramount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is career growth.
However
, 'gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experiences' and 'enhancing knowledge' are
also
prodigious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Many things that used to be done in the home by hands, but nowadays an increasing number of them are done by using machines. Discuss the advantages or disadvantages of this development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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