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Many things that used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages. v.1

Many things that used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages. v. 1
Many of the machinery are utilized for household work rather than doing it by hands. It is true that, due to the enhancement in technology many electronic gadgets are available in the market for the purpose of house work. An essay has more benefits than drawbacks. This essay will discuss about how the home appliances is beneficial for house services. However, it will also states about the effects of using gadgets as a major disadvantage. Firstly, the use of electronic equipments such as micro-oven, refrigerator, blenders in home for the necessary purpose will have a huge impact on time & energy. Adopting this technology will convert the home as smart home which leads to rapid work & consumption of time which was not possible earlier. For instance, grinder & juicer are utilized by many people for grinding the food items & fruits which was unable to use earlier. People were using motor and pestle to grind the ingredients & spices; although, it requires lots of time & energy. However, due to the development in technology these gadgets consumes less energy and time On the contrary, the impact of using the electronic devices makes user sluggish & dependent which leads to many health related problems. The health issues as no movement of muscle which leads to obesity. For example, according to the Times of India in 2017 many people are installing the home appliances to make their home as a smart home; however, the aid of appliances results into laziness & reliance. People are becoming more & more dependent on such gadgets; consequently, has a effortless work. In conclusion, the benefits of the use of home appliances can aid people with saving energy & time, that was otherwise inaccessible earlier. But if not used properly will have serious effects on mindset of people. However, the pros outweighed the cons by a proper utilization & self- awareness within the people.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the machinery
are utilized
for household work
rather
than doing it by hands. It is true that, due to the enhancement in technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
are available in the market for the purpose of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
work. An essay has more benefits than drawbacks. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss how"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about how
the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
is beneficial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
services.
However
, it will
also
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "state"
states
about the effects of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
as a major disadvantage.

Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of electronic equipments such as micro-oven, refrigerator, blenders in home for the necessary purpose will have a huge impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
&
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
. Adopting this technology will convert the home as smart home which leads to rapid work & consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which was not possible earlier.
For instance
, grinder & juicer
are utilized
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for grinding the food items & fruits which was unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
earlier.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
were using motor and pestle to grind the ingredients & spices; although, it requires lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
&
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
.
However
, due to the development in technology these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
consumes less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
and time

On the contrary
, the impact of using the electronic devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
user sluggish & dependent which leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health related problems. The health issues as no movement of muscle which leads to obesity.
For example
, according to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
of India in 2017
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are installing the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their home as a smart home;
however
, the aid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
results into laziness & reliance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are becoming more & more dependent on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
;
consequently
, has
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
effortless work.

In conclusion
, the benefits of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
can aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
&
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, that was
otherwise
inaccessible earlier.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
properly
will have serious effects on mindset of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, the pros outweighed the cons by a proper utilization & self- awareness within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Many things that used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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