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Many things that used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages? v.3

Many things that used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages? v. 3
Nowadays, machines are being used to do most of our chores at home; on the contrary to the past, whereby everything was done manually. Whether this development bears more merits or demerits is debatable, as we will discuss now. It must be admitted that humans have benefited a lot by using machines, which are pracitcally doing most of the housework. Foremost among these benefits perhaps is time-saving. In other words, the advent of home appliances such as dishwashers, washing machines and vacuum cleaners has allowed the majority of housework to be done in a short amount of time. For instance, homeowners can use those machines simultaneously to finish many tasks at the same time, allowing them to use the rest of the day dealing with more pressing matters such as work. Besides time-saving, these machines complete the tasks more efficiently than humans can by using their hands. However, the dependence on using machines at home does have some disadvantages. For example, if one of the devices stopped working due to a malfunction, that would put the task on hold until the machine is fixed, which is a stressful situation, because of the owner inability to do the task by hand. In addition to that, since most of the housework is taken care of by the appliances, people become lazier. According to a study at the University of California, people in the past are healthier than people nowadays, and the reason is that they used to physically do their house chores. Consequently, the more people become dependent on machines, the lazier they get. In conclusion, although relying on machines can make people helpless when they stop, and physically unhealthy, the advantages of them saving time and finishing work efficiently is more beneficial.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do most of our chores at home;
on the contrary
to the past, whereby everything
was done
manually
. Whether this development bears more merits or demerits is debatable, as we will discuss
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be admitted
that humans have benefited a lot by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
, which are
Possible spelling mistake found.
pracitcally
doing most of the housework. Foremost among these benefits perhaps is time-saving.
In other words
, the advent of home appliances such as dishwashers, washing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
and vacuum cleaners has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
the majority of housework to
be done
in a short amount of time.
For instance
, homeowners can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
simultaneously
to finish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
at the same time, allowing them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the rest of the day dealing with more pressing matters such as work.
Besides
time-saving, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
complete the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
more
efficiently
than humans can by using their hands.

However
, the dependence on using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
at home does have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.
For example
, if one of the devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
working due to a malfunction, that would put the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
on hold until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
, which is a stressful situation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the owner inability to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
by hand.
In addition
to that, since most of the housework
is taken
care of by the appliances,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become lazier. According to a study at the University of California,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the past are healthier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays, and the reason is that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
physically
do their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores.
Consequently
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
, the lazier they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.

In conclusion
, although relying on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
helpless when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
, and
physically
unhealthy, the advantages of them saving time and finishing work
efficiently
is more beneficial.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Many things that used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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