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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v.29

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 29
There is an issue of hungry which is still maintain in the world despite the development of agriculture. This is because the increase of population around the world is faster than the improvement of science and technology. The problem could be contained by stimulating technology developing and investing it in poor areas. The population of the world has a significant boost in recent one hundred years. Some researchers might argue that there is a negative increase of the population in some states, such as Japan and Germany. However, from the macro-prospective of the world, the rate of birth is much higher than the motility rate in recent tens of decades, especially in many developing countries. According to the records of human history, there were 1. 6 billion people living in the world at the end of World War two, while the population of the world is 7 billion at the moment which is four times of the 70 years ago. Instead, the ability of food production has not jumped like that, and this results in the hungry problem remaining. However, it is possible to solve this issue that is continually developing technologies and invest the new achievement in those undeveloped areas. The areas of the population growth are mainly from Africa and Latin America. In addition, science and technology are very poor in those countries. Introducing more developed new science and technology, and even establishing the modern education system in those nations which is important to help them to develop agriculture. For example, there are some high technologies that can plant in the mountains or deserts from Japan and Israel. If those third world countries could control such relevant knowledge, it will be very helpful for them to solve the problem of hungry. In conclusion, the hungry problem still existed because of the quicker speed of the population's increase, and we can address it by keeping exploring new technologies and investing some mature equipment and knowledge into developing countries.
There is an issue of hungry which is
still
Consider using a past participle here: "maintained".
maintain
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
despite the development of agriculture. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is faster than the improvement of science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
could
be contained
by stimulating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
and investing it in poor areas.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has a significant boost in recent one hundred years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
researchers might argue that there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
increase of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
states, such as Japan and Germany.
However
, from the macro-prospective of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, the rate of birth is much higher than the motility rate in recent tens of decades,
especially
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. According to the records of human history, there were 1. 6 billion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
War two, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is 7 billion at the moment which is four times of the 70 years ago.
Instead
, the ability of food production has not jumped like that, and this results in the hungry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
remaining.

However
, it is possible to solve this issue
that is
continually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and invest the new achievement in those undeveloped areas. The areas of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
growth are
mainly
from Africa and Latin America.
In addition
, science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Introducing more developed new science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, and even establishing the modern education system in those nations which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to develop agriculture.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
that can plant in the mountains or deserts from Japan and Israel. If those third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
could control such relevant knowledge, it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for them to solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of hungry.

In conclusion
, the hungry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
still
existed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the quicker speed of the population's increase, and we can address it by keeping exploring new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and investing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mature equipment and knowledge into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 29

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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