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Many teenagers now have their own smartphones. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your opinion. v.1

Many teenagers now have their own smartphones. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your opinion. v. 1
Almost all teenagers today have their personal smartphones and electronic devices. While mobile phones enhance the general knowledge of many growing children, I believe that the overuse of personal smartphones is making today's youngsters more obese. The main advantage of having a smartphone is the level of information that school-going children can gain to help them with their studies. No doubt that the education system today has advanced, so in order to compete with other students, children require a potential source and smartphones can get access to any topic that schoolers require the most. For instance, the United States conducted a survey to find the concealed impacts of using smartphones on students, wherein researchers estimated that 75% of the time smartphones have provided help to the students, who specifically needed extra information with schoolwork. Despite this, I believe that this encourages children to adopt a sedentary lifestyle, which can lead to poor health. Playing games for extended periods of time with no or little exercise can result in weight gain among teenagers. Sitting in the same posture for longer periods of time with no exercise can cause many health issues among today's young generation, such as obesity, high blood pressure and heart diseases. It is estimated that today's children are 30% more likely to gain weight as compared to the kids 30 years ago because they were physically active. I believe that offspring should be encouraged to do some physical exercises because it will result in a healthier future of today's youngsters with minor health issues. In conclusion, smartphones are very helpful for the children who are studying, but it is negatively affecting the health of the young generation because there is no physical exercise involve when kids use their cellphones.
Almost all
teenagers
today
have their personal smartphones and electronic devices. While mobile phones enhance the general knowledge of
many
growing
children
, I believe that the overuse of personal smartphones is making
today's
youngsters more obese.

The main advantage of having a smartphone is the level of information that school-going
children
can gain to
help
them with their studies. No doubt that the education system
today
has advanced,
so
in order to compete with other students,
children
require a potential source and smartphones can
get
access to any topic that schoolers require the most.
For instance
, the United States conducted a survey to find the concealed impacts of using smartphones on students, wherein researchers estimated that 75% of the time smartphones have provided
help
to the students, who
specifically
needed extra information with schoolwork. Despite this, I believe that this encourages
children
to adopt a sedentary lifestyle, which can lead to poor health.

Playing games for extended periods of time with
no
or
little
exercise
can result in weight gain among
teenagers
. Sitting in the same posture for longer periods of time with no
exercise
can cause
many
health issues among
today's
young generation, such as obesity, high blood pressure and heart diseases. It
is estimated
that
today's
children
are 30% more likely to gain weight as compared to the kids 30 years ago
because
they were
physically
active. I believe that offspring should
be encouraged
to do
some
physical
exercises
because
it will result in a healthier future of
today's
youngsters with minor health issues.

In conclusion
, smartphones are
very
helpful for the
children
who are studying,
but
it is
negatively
affecting the health of the young generation
because
there is no physical
exercise
involve when kids
use
their cellphones.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many teenagers now have their own smartphones. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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