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Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced? v.4

Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced? v. 4
No doubt that movies become a common source for entertaining these days, regardless of the genre of the movies because there are fans for each one of them. However, movies that include a lot of violent scenes could be harmful, and sometimes the level of violation they show is unacceptable even for adults. In this essay, I will discuss my view about the influence of bloody films and how it could be reduced in some feasible ways. According to the researches people’s adaptation is fast, and easy access to these movies leads to a rapid adaptation to the huge amount of violence on them. Therefore, the rate of crimes is increasing because people are used to seeing these crimes in movies and become familiar with them. Moreover, most of these movies depict the idea that getting rid of family relationships is the way to reach goals because they might prevent someone from doing crimes. So, family relationships are actually deteriorated by violent movies. To make things better, some suggestions could be practiced here. First, the government should put some rules and regulations about these harmful movies, and they should be followed by film producers to be permitted their films for the public. This regulation might include certain standards and criteria for the violence level in a movie, in this way, the violence scale will be always limited and controlled. Another quiet important suggestion that we can add here is maintaining the balance among all movie genera which could reinforce desirable values and norms. To sum up, movies are enjoyable to watch, however, the level of violence that might be observed on them these days is serious and requires to be reconsidered because they have a bad impact on our social life. In general, monitoring the movie producer companies by the government significantly will help with this issue.
No doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
become a common source for entertaining these days, regardless of the genre of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are fans for each one of them.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
that include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
violent scenes could be harmful, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the level of violation they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
is unacceptable even for adults. In this essay, I will discuss my view about the influence of bloody films and how it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feasible ways.

According to the researches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s adaptation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, and easy access to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
leads to a rapid adaptation to the huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on them.
Therefore
, the rate of crimes is increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to seeing these crimes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and become familiar with them.
Moreover
, most of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
depict the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that getting rid of family relationships is the way to reach goals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
someone from doing crimes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, family relationships are actually deteriorated by violent movies.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
things better,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggestions could
be practiced
here.
First
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations about these harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, and they should
be followed
by film producers to
be permitted
their films for the public. This regulation might include certain standards and criteria for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
level in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
, in this way, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
scale will be always limited and controlled. Another quiet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
suggestion that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
here is maintaining the balance among all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
genera which could reinforce desirable values and norms.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are enjoyable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
,
however
, the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
that might
be observed
on them these days is serious and requires to
be reconsidered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on our social life.
In general
, monitoring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
producer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
significantly
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with this issue.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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